X is for eXtra Difficult Days

I couldn't decide which X word to use this week, so I decided to just update everyone on news of some things we've been going through lately that have been extra difficult.

A week ago Monday, Lorne had his second chemotherapy treatment, which is bad enough. But by 7:00 pm he was shivering and shaking so badly I took his temperature - turned out it was around 104F. I dialed 811 (the Nurses' Hotline) to ask if I should take him to emergency and the answer was definitely YES! So off we went, where he stayed overnight. He was put in isolation immediately and tests showed that he had an infection somewhere in his body. IVs were started - saline plus antibiotics. Around 3:00 am, his fever was still at 104F so they had to put him in an ice bath. He told me it was like torture! That helped and between that and another bag of IV antibiotics his temperature finally came down to normal. It took a day or so more for him to feel better, especially since the oral antibiotics he had to take (2 different kinds) made him sick to his stomache.

Something else that was Xtra difficult was that my friend had breast cancer surgery on Tuesday. Luckily, it was only a lumpectomy - so far. Now we're waiting for the biopsies to come back to see if she'll need more surgery. However, she's already been told she'll need chemo plus radiation. I went over to stay with her on Wednesday and today I drove her to pay her property taxes (I had to pay mine, too) and then we went to the school (my former one) for her to check out her office. We went out for lunch before I dropped her off, looking a bit paler than she had been when I'd picked her up. I hope she'll have a good rest this afternoon.

Back to Lorne's treatment...this morning he had to have a blood transfusion because his red blood cells are very low. So that was Xtra difficult for him to go through. I hope it helps with his fatigue as he gets depressed that he can't do much. Then he's seeing his GP to try to get into a program where he can deal with some issues of depression and anXiety.

Thursday, July 1, is Canada Day here and we're going to a neighbourhood street party. We'll wheel over our barbecue, lug over a couple of tables and some chairs and have a rip-roaring Xtra special time.

Happy Canada Day to my Canadian friends!

W is for WHY

WALRUS AND WHY

V is for VACATION

...and boy do I need a vacation! This past year has flown by due to many things that I won't get into here. And because Lorne has to pursue health issues, we won't be able to take a vacation anywhere. So I will just reVel in some of my past memorable vacations and spend this summer living vicariously through them.

My first trip to England and France was awesome! I had sworn that I would get to France before I turned 50 and I made it! After spending a week in England, my friend Cathy and I took the ferry across to Calais - a very quick trip - and when we arrived I felt like kissing the ground! Many memories come flooding back to me - wine tasting, dining al fresco in Lyon, Monaco and its great casino, climbing the Pyrenees to cross the border into Spain, dipping my toes in the Atlantic Ocean in Biarritz, visiting chateaux in the Loire River Valley, visiting Monet's home in Giverny, Normandy and the World War II museum, and of course Paris and all it has to offer. Just for fun, instead of posting a typical "touristy" photo of the Eifel Tower, see if you can find me in the above photo taken just outside the casino in Monte Carlo.

I took my older daughter on a tour of England and Scotland one year. We also touched into Wales where we had Welsh ice cream and petted sheep along a hillside on our way back into England. Poor Jamie got sick in Glasgow and I had to leave her at the hotel somewhere between Aberdeen and Edinburgh while the rest of us took a day trip to the Isle of Skye. I remember buying a scarf in the "Leslie" tartan and a lovely wool throw blanket in one of my family's tartan. We had a great time in London, too, hopping on and off the double-decker bus. Below left is me at St. Andrew's, Scotland on the beach where "Chariots of Fire" was filmed. On the right is Jamie at Warwick Castle in England watching this jester play the two flutes through his nose!

Then there was Italy in 2006, which you can read about in my archives on this blog. That was a trip of a lifetime, spending a month there and getting to see out-of-the-way places where most tourists don't get to go. We ate, we drank vino, we ate, we touristed, we ate, we drank...did I say we drank lots of vino? There were spectacular views of the Mediterranean from Lerici in the north-west, from the Amalfi Coast south of Rome, and from Taormino in Sicily. The photo shows one of my favourite things to do while in Italy!

The last place I want to mention here is the Grand Canyon. My friend Suzanne, who lives just outside of Phoenix, took me there in February of 2006. We drove through Sedona and stayed overnight in Flagstaff. The canyon was the most stunning vista I have ever seen! You just cannot imagine it unless you've seen it with your own eyes. I only wish I were young and agile enough to travel by mule all the way down to the Colorado River!

So, as I "stay-cation" this summer, I will get out all my photo albums and relive my past travels and dream about where I'll go next year. Happy Vacation to all of you who have plans.

U is for UBER

"Uber" is German for the word "above," but more commonly it's used on the internet for being the best, the top, the supreme, the highest of highest.

Yesterday, we had "uber" treatment at the hospital. It was a very long day, beginning at 7:45 am when we reported to the Cancer Clinic for Lorne to have his PICC line inserted. Neither of us knew much about a PICC line, so we were both very nervous about the whole procedure. However, the nurse, a specialist in this procedure, put us both at ease by explaining exactly what she was going to do, how, and why. She was right when she said the worst part was the tournique and the freezing needle. After that, it was a breeze just waiting for the angel-hair-pasta-sized tube to work its way up the large vein to the heart. I nearly came unglued, though, at one point but managed to control myself. Lorne was a trouper through it all and after his x-ray to make sure it was positioned correctly (and then readjusted), we went and had some breakfast.

I cannot honestly say that the food in the hospital cafeteria was uber, but then that's not what needed to be. A little after 10:00 am, we returned to the CC and Lorne was hooked up to his special cocktail(s). We also had visits from the hospital chaplain, a dietician, and a social worker - all of whom I'd call uber personnel.

I stayed and read my book while Lorne was undergoing his treatment, but when his non-uber lunch arrived, I headed back up to the cafeteria for something to try to undo the pounding headache that had persisted all morning. I came back an hour later when he was almost finished his treatment, waited about another half hour, and guided him out to the car.

I almost came unglued again in the car just from the relief of that first session being over! But when we got home, Lorne said he was going to mow the front lawn! I almost became unduly frightened that the PICC line would come out, but made myself recall what the nurse had said about him going about business as normally as possible. So I forced myself to get busy with other things and let him do his thing.

So far so good with regard to any nausea, pain, or other post-chemo complications. Maybe he'll be one of the lucky ones who tolerates the entire treatment without difficulties. Fingers crossed!

First Roses

My roses are blooming! Yes!

My favourite one is called Hot Cocoa Rose because it has a sort of brownish tint to it.

And it smells wonderful, too.

A Little Budding Rose

by Emily Bronte

It was a little budding rose,

Round like a fairy globe,

And shyly did its leaves unclose

Hid in their mossy robe,
But sweet was the slight and spicy smell

It breathed from its heart invisible.

T is for TRUST

Being reliant on another person or having faith in others and believing them is called TRUST. It is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife and can be cultivated and nurtured by creating a safe emotional space. There are a few guidelines to follow when creating that safe emotional space that engenders trust.

1. Constantly work on improving communication skills. The most important part of being a good communicator is by being a good listener and using "I" statements.

2. Take on the responsibility of expressing your needs and express them clearly and assertively. Don't be afraid of rejection or of being ashamed of having these needs.

3. Be positive and give pleasure. Use the "5 to 1 rule" where you have to consciously say 5 positive things to your spouse before saying anything negative or critical.

4. Don't allow issues to go unresolved. When issues don't get resolved, then resentments develop and fester. And when resentments develop then trust is lost.

5. It's okay to fight but learn to fight fair. Here are a few ideas about how to fight fair - never resort to name-calling, keep to the issue at hand, don't say "you never" or "you always," never bring the other person's family into the issue at hand, agree beforehand on a method of time out if you feel things are getting out of hand.

Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy. Be careful how you treat each other. Many people wrongly believe that in a good marriage, you can "relax" and not have to monitor everything you say and do. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
In a good marriage, you must always be monitoring your behavior. This is the key to building a strong relationship and trust.

S is for Spectrum

The word spectrum implies a broad range of conditions or behaviors grouped together with a unifying theme between extremes at either end.

Today I'd like to take a look at men from slobs to suits.

A slob is a person regarded as slovenly, crude, or obnoxious. A slob can also be sloppy, coarse, gross, and slurps his food and drinks. A slob could be someone who doesn't take any pride in his appearance by being unkempt, dirty, doesn't bother to shave, and/or wears dirty clothes. A slob could also be someone who swears a lot, tells shameful stories or jokes, or is generally simply annoying.

A suit is regarded as someone who is thought of as looking professional, whether in formal or informal terms. In other words, a "suit" cares about his appearance, is clean, tidy, and cares about his personal grooming. This would include showering, shaving, and ensuring that nose hairs and finger nails are trimmed. In short, he respects himself and everyone who sees him.

"Slobs" and "Suits" are two ends of the spectrum and naturally, there are all sorts of men who fit somewhere in between. And of course there are situations where one might appear a bit slobbish for a time (e.g. camping out in the wild). Personally, I prefer the half that tends towards the suit, and I'm sure most women would agree with me.

Men seem to be turned on visually by women. However, they often fail to realize that women get turned off if what they see is not visually appealing. I may be simply speculating here.

Of course, slobs and suits can be related to women, as well. But what I'm trying to say is that we should all take a good long look in the mirror every once in a while and ask ourselves, "Am I a slob? Or am I a suit?"

Which do you prefer?

How did THIS happen?

My baby turns 30 years old today! How did this happen?

Yesterday, she was just learning to crawl, starring in an ice show, playing soccer and tennis while learning ballet.

And now here she is a grown up lady with a life of her own.

We celebrated by having lunch together at her favourite restaurant - the White Spot - and finished off with their special lemon tart!

She has a wonderful weekend planned with some of her friends! I dropped her off at work after our lunch, but this evening is party time with friends, tomorrow she and a girl friend are driving to Kelowna, then back Saturday for an all-day beach party, and Sunday she's going to the Cloverdale Rodeo. Whew! I guess 30 years ago, I could have managed all that in one weekend, but now? Not very likely!

The last decade was a bit rough for D2, so here's hoping and praying that things will only get better for her. I love her tiara - she's going to wear it all day and night, even at work! It took me a long time to decide what to give her for this milestone birthday, but I finally decided on the pearl necklace that her father had given me many years ago. She was pleased and I know she'll treasure it the rest of her life.

R is for Rest and Relaxation

Click on the photos to "embiggen."

Friday was restful. After all we've been going through lately, we decided to go somewhere near the water with our books, buy some fish 'n chips and diet Coke, and relax in the warmth of a magnificent May day. Our drive took us to Garry Point, in the nearby village of Steveston just across the river where the mighty Fraser River empties into the Strait of Georgia's salt water.

First up was lunch at Pajo's...if you've never had their fish 'n chips, it's a must! Later on, I traipsed back for frozen yogurt mixed with fresh fruit - blackberries for Lorne and peaches for me. Another must!

We settled into our fold-up chairs facing the sun and the water and as Lorne settled in for a good read, I picked up my camera to see what I could see. Children playing near the edge of the water, older people relaxing at picnic tables or on benches looking out at the various types of boats that went by - whale watchers, car freighters, pilot boats, tugboats and sailboats.

After reading for a while myself, I decided to go for a stroll over to the Japanese gardens. Steveston is well known for being a fishing village, especially known for its salmon cannery. And Japanese Canadians formed a large part of the population of the village until WWII when they were shipped out and interred in the interior of the province. From the garden commemorating those Japanese Canadians, I found a few great vantage points for some photos.

From the Japanese gardens, I meandered down to the point where stands a memorial for fishermen who have been lost at sea. I'd been there before, but just to admire the view. This time, I actually looked at the memorial and was amazed at the incredible visions!

I leisurely strolled back to our little peace of paradise, and on the way, managed to capture a candid shot of Lorne looking relaxed (albeit a big haggard) as he absorbed the warm sun rays while reading his latest find. And I'll leave you with my favourite shot of the day, a contrast to my "old man," this little boy who was enjoying tossing a stick into the water and waiting patiently for it to return so he could throw it out again. Ah, the gentle joys of childhood and a day of rest and relaxation.

Q is for Quick(ly)

Life has been a blur lately. Since March 26th, when Lorne was diagnosed with colon cancer, he's had many tests done and had surgery exactly one month later. That was quick!

After the surgery, the specialist told us everything looked good, but we had to wait for the biopsies of the nodes to be 100% sure he wouldn't need any further treatment.

In the meantime, Lorne healed up very quickly and pushed himself to get out and mow the lawn (it's a small lawn) a week later. He even did a bit of gardening, even though he's still sore. We thought he'd been blessed with a quick recovery.

Thursday evening, the doctor phoned with dreaded news - they found two malignant spots in the nodes from about twenty they checked. Therefore, Lorne is going to need chemotherapy. It didn't take me long to fall apart. On Friday, I was physically ill and by Sunday, I couldn't even get out of bed because of terrible nausea.

Monday, Lorne had another CT scan and saw his GP who said he was amazed as his quick recovery! Today he is seeing the oncologist to discuss his treatment. Quick action, I'd say, from the medical profession!

I know it's Lorne's journey, so-to-speak, but I have my own journey to take along with him. And I quickly realized that I need help, too. It seems a faucet has grown just above my eyes and it's constantly leaking! So, I went to the Delta Hospice Center to request counseling for myself. I need to know how to deal with my own emotions while at the same time, be supportive of Lorne and his fears.

Let's hope and pray that Lorne's treatment will be quick and that he'll be given a prognosis for a long life to come.

P is for Paradise

Paradise is a place in which existence is positive, harmonious and timeless. It is conceptually a counter-image of the miseries of human civilization, and in paradise there is only peace, prosperity, and happiness. Paradise is a place of contentment, but it is not necessarily a land of luxury and idleness. (Wikipedia)

The word "paradise" comes from an old Persian word having to do with beautiful gardens. That brings to mind the story of Adam and Eve. Everything was perfection there - lots of good food, perfect climate, and no sin. Heaven is also a form of paradise as Jesus promised the thief on the cross that he would soon be with him in paradise. So what will it be like there? Since no one has ever come back, we don't know for sure. Maybe it will be different for each one. Maybe we'll find ourselves living harmoniously in peace and contentment with those friends and family members who have preceded us. Maybe we'll end up as "guardian angels" and return to an earthly existence to help others.

I have been blessed with the gift of faith and believe with all my heart that I will go to Heaven one day. Why do I believe so strongly in this afterlife? I have three very vivid reasons - my grandmother, my late husband, and my parents.

First, early one bitterly cold morning in Ottawa, I was on the bus heading to work. The harsh lights of the bus contrasted with the black of the outside, causing the bus to appear twice as wide as it was. Head nodding, gently bumping against the frigid windowpane, I suddenly became aware of a presence. It was my grandmother who had passed away two years previously. I did not see her body or hear her speak to me. I just simply knew she was there with me. I smiled and said (in my head) "Hi Grandma!" And then she was gone.

Next, my husband took his own life in August, 1992. It was an extremely traumatic time in my life and it took me years to recover. About a month after he died, I came home from work and went upstairs to change into casual clothes. I was so exhausted from work and grief that I didn't have the energy to get beyond my slip, so I lay down on the bed. Suddenly, he was there! Again, I didn't see his body or hear him as you would think you'd hear someone. But, I did hear him say to me, "I'm okay now, Sweetie." And before I could sit up and utter the words, "Don't go!" he was gone.

Finally, my mother passed away in 2002 and my father joined her in 2007. I had been the last one to be with my mother before she passed, and I was with my father when he took his final breath. About a month after my father's celebration of life, it was a beautiful sunny day in October, so I decided to go for a walk. The leaves were brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges and had just begun to drop. I'd been walking for about 10-15 minutes, admiring the colours, when suddenly my mother and father were with me. My mother was on my left and my father on my right. Again, I didn't see their bodies but I knew they were there. I remember being so stunned that I just kept walking and smiling, hoping they would stay. But as suddenly as they were there, they were gone.

Now, I have told some of my Christian friends about these experiences and they looked at me like I was crazy. Only a few believed me and actually envied me those moments.

Why do I think they came to me? Well, first of all, my grandmother had been raised Baptist, but did not believe in an afterlife. She believed that the end was just that - the end. Perhaps she was trying to tell me that she had been wrong all her life and wanted me to believe. Second, my husband had never been a believer, either, and knew that his illness had been an extremely difficult time for me. I believe he was reassuring me that everything was going to be okay since he was then okay. Finally, my parents had had a very rocky marriage, with my mother often wanting to leave my father. Perhaps it was their way of letting me know that they were reunited and would always be together, happy in the end.

Life can be hard. But my faith in an everlasting life in Paradise keeps me going.

O is for OPERATION

What an Opportune week to land on the letter O! Monday morning my DL had his operation for cOlOn cancer and I'm here to report that all seems well so far. Our worst worries were that the cancer might have spread (it doesn't appear to have done so) and he might have needed an Ostomy bag (he didn't). The surgeon told me that it was a simple resection and that he'll be in the hospital for at least 5 days.

This past month has been fraught with emOtion for bOth of us. At first DL said he wasn't going to have the Operation, but later, of course, changed his mind. I guess that was "denial." Then he started pushing people away from himself - he wouldn't talk to me or his friends and sunk into a deep Overwhelming depression. He believed he was going to die and was preparing himself for the absolute worst scenariO. Although I tried to stay Optimistic, which is my nature, that just frustrated and angered him. He finally began to Open up a bit to me and admitted that he was terrified that he would not wake up from the anaesthetic. He slOwly began to listen and accept that everything would be Okay in the lOng run. I was nOt going to leave him to die alOne and I promised that I would not mOther him when he gets hOme.

What I'm hOping for nOw is that DL will take this, do I dare say "adventure," as an Opportunity to find a pOsitive meaning for his life, will take stOck of whO he is and what he wants to accOmplish during the rest of his time alive. I truly hOpe he will take a good lOOk at his values and priOrities and identify sOme changes he'd like to make.

I knOw that fOr myself, I've taken stOck of my priOrities and a big wedding is definitely nOt necessary. I think it's important to cOmmunicate better with each Other and share Our innermOst and fundamental beliefs. I am very spiritual whereas DL believes the end is simply that - the end. One evening, he Opened up and wept that he would never hear music again when he dies. I had the mOst wOnderful OppOrtunity to tell him that Heaven is FULL of music and he was going to be in for a big surprise! It's mOments like these that can help give someone the strength to go on and cOpe with the difficulty of dealing with such a hOrrendous disease.

I'm hOping that DL will become more Open to hearing about an everlasting life full of music and lOve. One day, he will come to realize just how many people - all Over the wOrld - have been praying for him to Overcome this disease and move on to live the rest of his life to the fullest.

If he doesn't, see that mallet in the cartOOn?

To find out more about colon cancer, please click here.

I'd also like to thank everyOne whO sent up prayers and gOOd thoughts for us bOth - friends in Canada, the USA, England, Wales, and even Australia! God is gOOd...

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself" -Matthew 6:34

N is for Novels and Novelists

My news lately has been so nasty that I decided to tell you how I've been coping with the nausea caused by all the stress - by reading books by my favourite novelists.

The first is Ken Follett, a Welshman who is well known for his spy novels. You might recall his first Novel, Eye of the Needle, which was made into a movie starring Kate Nelligan and Donald Sutherland. Another of my favourites from Ken Follett is On Wings of Eagles, the true story of how two employees of Ross Perot were rescued from Iran during the revolution of 1979. This book was made into a miniseries with Richard Crenna as Ross Perot and Burt Lancaster as Colonel 'Bull' Simons.

Because Ken Follett was so well known for the spy genre, his fans were surprised when he came out with Pillars of the Earth in 1989. I read this book while I was recuperating from back surgery last year and found it full of strong women characters, suspense, and intrigue. The Novel is about building a cathedral during the Middle Ages and it received rave reviews. It was on the No. 1 position on reading lists in Canada, Great Britain, and Italy as well as being on the German best-seller list for six years! The sequel, World Without End, published in 2007, takes place two hundred years later and features descendants of the original characters. At the heart of the story is the greatest natural disaster ever to strike the human race: the plague known as the Black Death, which killed something like half the population of Europe in the fourteenth century. The people of the Middle Ages battled this lethal pestilence and survived – and, in doing so, laid the foundations of modern medicine. The book is on my desk at this moment, but I plan to read it over the summer while lazing in the garden. And the other great news is that it, too, is being made into a miniseries starring Donald Sutherland as Bartholomew.

My other favourite Novelist is Phillippa Gregory, who lives on a small farm in Yorkshire, England where she keeps horses, hens and ducks. She was an established historian and writer when she discovered her interest in the Tudor period and wrote the Novel The Other Boleyn Girl, which was made into a TV drama and a major film. Now, six Novels later, she is looking at the family that preceded the Tudors: the magnificent Plantaganets, a family of complex rivalries, loves, and hatreds.

With a keen interest in all things British, I truly enjoy reading her Novels about King Henry VIII and his six wives along with her other Novels that take place in Medieval England. So far I have devoured not only The Other Boleyn Girl but also her Wideacre Trilogy (Wideacre, The Favoured Child, and Meridon), The Wise Woman, The Queen's Fool, The Boleyn Inheritance, and The Virgin's Lover. Currently, I am about halfway through The White Queen. I would dare to say that Pillippa Gregory's Novels are more interesting to women than to men, but who knows? Maybe some men read her books.