Q is for QUIT

Lately, I've been feeling like quitting - quitting blogging, quitting tutoring, quitting my home and my family and even my country.  I find myself dreaming of moving to England and living as an ex-pat where I will find my true ancestral roots.

But then - I wake up.  I tell myself, "This too shall pass" as it always does.  This has been, I believe, our "annus horribilus" as Queen Elizabeth referred to 1992 in her speech at Guildhall to mark the 40th anniversary of her accession.

"1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an 'Annus Horribilis'."

When we returned from England late last September, we were full of high hopes of planning our wedding and setting forth on a future together.  And then everything had to stop because of Lorne's illness.  Then we put everything off because my daughter set the date for her wedding and that took priority over us.  Then Lorne had to have pre-op chemo starting in May with the op scheduled for August.  Wedding preparations took over for me while he was struggling with serious side effects from the drugs.  We received a call from his surgeon's office giving us the date of his surgery - 4 days before daughter's wedding!  No way was he going to be able to attend!

So between August 13th and August 18th I was driving back and forth to the hospital and trying to pay attention to final details for the wedding.  The wedding day was exhausting and I fell, unknowingly breaking the inside of my right ankle.  But I carried on because Lorne was coming home.  Two days after he got home, he turned yellow...back to the hospital for another week. Six weeks after his surgery, Lorne had to start the final chemo treatments.  They have been brutal this time and to top it off, I fell again, breaking the outside bone of the same ankle. 

So here we are.  I try not to feel sorry for myself, but I get so frustrated about my ankle healing properly and fast so I can tend to Lorne.  Poor thing - his hair has fallen out in big chunks this time, he can't eat, he has terrible mouth sores so he has to drink through a straw, and he's as weak as a kitten.

I hate asking friends to help us out, but I've had to since I can't drive due to my ankle and he's so weak , he can hardly stand up. At this moment, he's in the local emergency hooked up to IVs to control his nausea and his diabetes that's temporarily out of control because of his inability to eat or take in fluids. He's also on morphine because of the pain in his stomach.  I have a splitting headache, but who am I to complain? 

Sorry for being such a downer this week, but I guess when you reach breaking point you just have to crawl under the covers and cry for a while.  Next week, I won't feel like quitting! I always seem to be able to bounce back.

In the meantime, remember our queen Denise who created ABC Wednesday and our highly qualified Roger who administers the site.