VANCOUVER 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,
these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!!

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!)

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked.


Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A:Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A:Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A:So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A:Let's not touch this one.

Q:Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of
them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A:What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )
A:A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is
that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A:Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the
directions.

Q:Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A:Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh
forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.

Q:Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A:No, WE don't stink.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A:Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male
population? (Italy)
A:Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q:Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A:Only at Thanksgiving.

Q:Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A:No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A:It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of
anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

VANCOUVER BLIZZARD!

Vancouver (Reuters)

Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional one-quarter centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto."