Below is part of a post I published here on ABC Wednesday exactly two years ago on the topic of courage. As I then quoted Eleanor Roosevelt, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." This is my way of announcing that the marriage failed - from day one.
You read in the news about famous people's marriages lasting only a few days or months and you think "WHAT?" Well, now I know how and why it happens - it happened to me. One day (or for several years) you're with someone you love and who appears to love you and the next day you see the true person behind the façade. I was finally forced to put those "big girl panties" on and kick him out. Please pardon Maxine's language, but...
I know how excited everyone had been for me, but I need to put this out in case it might help someone else who suddenly finds him/herself in a legally binding relationship that is not what it first appeared to be. Since I've been through this, I know of another woman my age who is currently go through something similar plus my 35-year-old daughter's best friend finally said No to drugs and kicked her scumbag out. In my case, it was alcoholism, financial irresponsibility and lying about money, verbal and emotional abuse, and his belief that he would be next in line to my property (ahead of my daughters) should I die before him. There was no love, affection, or intimacy and I started thinking I should apply for that TV show called "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?"
I felt absolutely humiliated by his con, stupid that I fell for it, and to this day some people who were at the wedding still think we're happily married. But it takes a lot of courage to admit your mistake and take steps to fix things. I changed my will and my lawyer added that we are estranged and no provision is made for him as per the pre-nup. He actually thought that our co-hab/pre-nup was only valid until we legally got married so he took it to a lawyer to see if he could sue me! Idiot!
He finally moved out 4 months ago, leaving me to deal with grief, anger, and hatred towards him. However, I now have plans in the works to travel to England next year to visit good friends Marion, Anne, Diane, Jill, Jane, Liz (and maybe pop by for tea with our dearest Denise). I will continue to tutor and there might be a move in the works, too. More on that later. In the meantime, my mantra will be "It is better to be alone than to wish I were."
Anyway, here's part of the two-year-old post:
Life requires courage.
I'm not talking about facing such disasters as earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, epidemics, and floods. I'm not talking about the courage to board an airplane or a train or the courage to drive a car. I'm not talking about the courage to fight off a stranger who is trying to abduct your child or rob you of your precious possessions.
I'm talking about the courage to face everyday life. And in everyday life, one might need to face an abusive childhood or marriage, the death of a loved one, loss of job, or a serious illness. I'm talking about the courage to tactically back away from a confrontation rather than to mindlessly attack.
Courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it is the ability to move forward despite the fear. Courage is the empowering experience of a decision to stand up and withstand the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." (from Shakespeare's Hamlet)
I've been told by a few people that I'm a courageous person. Huh? Upon contemplation, I realize that I have, indeed, confronted a great deal of hardship in my life, yet I persevere. I have also been asked from where I get the courage to continue in my life with such an optimistic attitude. Well, I guess I was just born that way.
So, I'm not afraid of storms, flying, or criminals. I've seen and experienced the worst and have survived! No matter what life throws at me, I will stand up and move forward despite my fear.