About Me

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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

C is for COURAGE

Below is part of a post I published here on ABC Wednesday exactly two years ago on the topic of courage.  As I then quoted Eleanor Roosevelt, "I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along." This is my way of announcing that the marriage failed - from day one. 
You read in the news about famous people's marriages lasting only a few days or months and you think "WHAT?"  Well, now I know how and why it happens - it happened to me.  One day (or for several years) you're with someone you love and who appears to love you and the next day you see the true person behind the façade.  I was finally forced to put those "big girl panties" on and kick him out.  Please pardon Maxine's language, but...
I know how excited everyone had been for me, but I need to put this out in case it might help someone else who suddenly finds him/herself in a legally binding relationship that is not what it first appeared to be.  Since I've been through this, I know of another woman my age who is currently go through something similar plus my 35-year-old daughter's best friend finally said No to drugs and kicked her scumbag out.  In my case, it was alcoholism, financial irresponsibility and lying about money, verbal and emotional abuse, and his belief that he would be next in line to my property (ahead of my daughters) should I die before him.  There was no love, affection, or intimacy and  I started thinking I should apply for that TV show called "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?"
I felt absolutely humiliated by his con, stupid that I fell for it, and to this day some people who were at the wedding still think we're happily married.   But it takes a lot of courage to admit your mistake and take steps to fix things. I changed my will and my lawyer added that we are estranged and no provision is made for him as per the pre-nup.  He actually thought that our co-hab/pre-nup was only valid until we legally got married so he took it to a lawyer to see if he could sue me!  Idiot!
He finally moved out 4 months ago, leaving me to deal with grief, anger, and hatred towards him.  However, I now have plans in the works to travel to England next year to visit good friends Marion, Anne, Diane, Jill, Jane, Liz (and maybe pop by for tea with our dearest Denise).   I will continue to tutor and there might be a move in the works, too.  More on that later.  In the meantime, my mantra will be "It is better to be alone than to wish I were." 
Anyway, here's part of the two-year-old post:
Life requires courage

I'm not talking about facing such disasters as earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, epidemics, and floods.  I'm not talking about the courage to board an airplane or a train or the courage to drive a car.  I'm not talking about the courage to fight off a stranger who is trying to abduct your child or rob you of your precious possessions.

I'm talking about the courage to face everyday life.  And in everyday life, one might need to face an abusive childhood or marriage, the death of a loved one, loss of job, or a serious illness.  I'm talking about the courage to tactically back away from a confrontation rather than to mindlessly attack. 

Courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it is the ability to move forward despite the fear.  Courage is the empowering experience of a decision to stand up and withstand the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." (from Shakespeare's Hamlet)

I've been told by a few people that I'm a courageous person.  Huh?  Upon contemplation, I realize that I have, indeed, confronted a great deal of hardship in my life, yet I persevere.  I have also been asked from where I get the courage to continue in my life with such an optimistic attitude.  Well, I guess I was just born that way.
So, I'm not afraid of storms, flying, or criminals.  I've seen and experienced the worst and have survived!  No matter what life throws at me, I will stand up and move forward despite my fear.

Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.  (John Wayne)

Courage is grace under pressure.  (Ernest Hemingway)

I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.  (Nelson Mandela)
 Thanks to the captivating Denise Nesbitt, the creator of ABC Wednesday, and to Roger who currently and very capably administers the weekly workings of the site. 


Roger Owen Green said...

Leslie - so you're putting it out there. Very sorry, of course, but good for you to talk about it. The next chapter will be better!

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Hi Leslie , I am right there with you .. Courage is something I have never had ,, or maybe I did when I was younger. All this crap we have to go through , makes me angry and humiliated too. Take care , hugs Anne xox

Roger Owen Green said...

Ooo, yeah, even more pointed.

Trubes said...

I have never known such a courageous lady as you.
It's such a pity that he caused you so much grief, which
you don't deserve but you know, I know, you have the COURAGE
to 'pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over
again'! (When I say that, I don't mean go on-line dating,
(well not just yet)!
Alcoholism and drug abuse is an absolute curse, I've seen and
experienced so much of it and how it wrecks relationships and
family lives.
My first marriage failed due to my husband's financial
irresponsibility and drinking.
Suddenly I woke up, one day, and like you, had the COURAGE to do something about it.
So, well done Leslie, you are a very brave and courageous lady and
I'm looking forward to meeting you again next year, we had such a lovely time when we first met.
Love Di xxx
ABCW team.

MERYL JAFFE, PhD - parent, psychologist, teacher, author... said...

Courage grows and while difficult is also empowering. I wish you all the best luck and strength, and just want you to know that your honesty, strength and courage not only empowers you, but others as well.

tulika singh said...

You're one brave lady first to have the courage to accept your mistake and two to put it out here. I'm sure life has better things in store for you. All the very best.

BeatAboutThe Book

Hildred said...

Impressed with your Hemingway and John Wayne quotes, - and with your own courage, Leslie.

Arnoldo L. Romero, MLA said...

Bless your heart. After reading your last two posts, I thought Lorne had passed away, but didn't want to ask. Although that would have been devastating, I believe that being deceived and having to deal with his abusive behaviors would be harder. I am truly sorry that you had to deal with his issues, but I'm glad you had the strength, courage and wisdom to end the relationship. May you continue to find peace and joy in the love of your family and friends.

Black Jack's Carol said...

So good to see your smiling face in the ABC meme. I've fallen off the wagon a bit, and so hadn't realized it had been such a long time since your last post. I am saddened that one of the most Consistently "Chin-up" people I've met through blogging has been taken for such a ride, but true to form, you are rising above all of that. Good for you!!

Photo Cache said...

I am so sorry. Virtual hugs. My friend is dealing with the same thing right now. It's tough.


Reader Wil said...

Leslie, you are brave to tell about your ordeal in your marriage. I thoughtn your husband had died, but this is even worse . My husband died but I have many good memories even we had also some hard times to face.
I wish you a lot of new courage to go on on the road you have taken. Alcoholisme is one of the main causes of broken marriages. My daughter. here in Australia is a member of Al Anon as her first husband is an alcoholic. It was terrible to live with him. His relatives helped her where they could and still do.
Good luck! Come and stay with me for a while!!

Rajesh said...

Good analysis. One needs courage to discuss this.

Ira PT said...

True courage is what you have shown. Facing the reality and working upon them takes courage. Kudos to you! Keep going strong...

Ira PT said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Indrani said...

You did the right thing!
i admire you for your courageousness. :)
Happy ABCW!

Gerald (SK14) said...

you are completely correct

Joy said...

Reminds me of the quote of people living lives of quiet desperation. You had the courage to say enough is enough and in consequence made your life better. I know in my case I often wonder looking back why I didn't act sooner.

Anonymous said...

Leslie! Good for you for taking action and protecting yourself in these circumstances. I'm glad you are able to speak freely about it now, too. I'm so sorry you had to go through this and that this person deceived you and tried to take advantage of you.

Su-sieee! Mac said...

You go, Leslie! Best wishes and a big high five to you.

Ann, Chen Jie Xue 陈洁雪 said...

you have a lot of courage.

Ann said...

Leslie, opening up is so important. I would have never asked what happened and I'm glad you have overcome. My Aunt who is 84 just found herself in the same situation!! She is not doing as well as you, hopefully her hurt will heal soon.

Terri @ Coloring Outside the Lines said...

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

GaynorB said...

Hi Leslie,
I somehow missed this post when it was first published.
We all make mistakes, realise that the people we thought we knew were in reality very different. The key thing is to take action, move on and try to put it all behind you, although we know that this is far more easily said than done. You did the right thing for you, but also for the people who truly love and care for you.
My thoughts and very best wishes are with you. Bon courage...