About Me

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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Actual Letter to Proctor & Gamble

A friend of mine emailed this to me and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. Brava to the woman who wrote it. All I can say is I'm glad I don't need the product anymore.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you freaking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have I chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep...

Always.

******

15 comments:

HeiressChild said...

leslie, this is the funniest article i have read in a long time. i love it! men just have no clue. always were my favorite brand too.

Josie said...

Leslie, I can't type, I'm laughing too hard. Oh, the image of the testicles in the George Foreman grill.

The very thought of combining horseback riding and menstrual cramps. ***shudder***

Cheers,
Josie

leslie said...

Oh my my...how well I recall "those days" of blackout pain! Hysterectomy was the best thing I ever did for myself!

Ellie said...

I had read this article on someone elses blog and I read it at lunch time at work. Need I say more! I was giggling and trying to muffle my giggles for fear anyone else who was in the office would hear me. The interesting thing is I buy those same ones and I never, for a moment, had stopped to read what it said on those little tab thingys, until now, yep, it is there. Hope you have a happy period. It is enough to make a grown woman rant! I actually showed my husband and he didn't get why I was fuming about it. Well, he wouldn't, he hasn't had to suffer through it all like any of us women have had to.

leslie said...

You're so right, Ellie. The only good thing is that it eventually stops. For some, not soon enough. :(

beachgirl said...

very funny, no wonder I use tampons.
What is a happy period? I call a happy period one that you still get at 48. NOT!! But much better than pregnant at 48.

Have a nice night ladies.
Carol

HeiressChild said...

the only happy period i know of is one of those dots besides the smiley faces.

HeiressChild said...

no "s" should be at the end of "beside"

also, meant to ask how your dad is doing leslie?

leslie said...

Thanks for asking, Sylvia. He's doing as well as can be expected. One of these days, a major stroke will take him but in the meantime he is where he needs to be. He's being well taken care of. We're finally finished with cleaning out his apartment so now I can move on and think of myself for a while. Hope you're having a good "day after."

Sienna said...

Leslie this is so funny, "revolutionary flexi-wings, little F-16...inbred hillbilly with knife skills"....I can vision this person putting this letter together...it's scary :)
Too funny! The oestrogen components of me just love it though.
Thankyou so much, I have 2 sisters that will enjoy it immensely as well.
Pam

ClickGirl said...

Hi Leslie,

This is too funny! I'm glad that I'm beyond that too! That was always a horrible time for me ... and saying good-bye to periods was one of the best things ever. Anyway - thanks for sharing!

Hope everyone is well!!

Have a good one!

Brenda

leslie said...

Hi Brenda, glad you enjoyed the letter and good to see you over here. Hope things are good with you, too.

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Anonymous said...

Hi Les,

Came on over & glad I did. DID anyone check out that hysterical letter on Snopes?

We too have a Cherry Blossom Festival. If you come to mine, I'll come to yours ....

What kind of Magnolias are they?

I'm not Irish either but have always loved this holiday...Am green from head to toe literally,
make holiday relevant food etc. I also loved my trip to Ireland. My daughter will be going there in Sept.

Ada

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