I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda . Try Decaf. This ain't rocket science."
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and ever! ything nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"
Fine, I answered! . I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
"What?" I yelled.
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy .. the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."
Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.
About Me
- Leslie:
- Delta, British Columbia, Canada
- I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.
4 comments:
Hi Leslie,
Just wanted to stop by to say hello and have see if you have new pictures posted...found this joke instead and got some laughs to start my day.
Hope all is well with you and you're able to at least enjoy some of your spring break.
I noticed you don't have the date on your posts so I'll let you know that it is Saturday March 25th.
We're expecting lots of rain today which I really don't mind...good reading weather. Going to a bridal shower later this afternoon and wine tasting this evening.
Also wanted to let you know that I like the new picture of you on the blog. Cute hair...
Take care...hugs from Willy
Hi Willy, thanks for dropping by. I drop by your site, too, to see what's up. I did have a good spring break - lots of rest that I really needed. (difficult class this year) Thx for comment on my hair - I'm letting it grow a bit, but have to get a trim soon. the back is getting longer than the sides so needs evening up. I think I'm aiming for a medium-length bob. My gardener is coming today to clean up the yard and get it in shape for summer - things got so overgrown this winter (too much rain) - and then I'll be able to plant some flowers. I hope the shower was fun on Saturday as well as the wine tasting. We'll definitely have to keep the East open for a trip some day. But before then, I hope to come to CA again (LOVE California!) I'm off to work now so wish me luck. Three (hopefully short) months to go! YAY!
hi leslie,
i said i'd pop by for a visit today, and was met with the best humor. i thought this is what really happened to you, and called one of my friends to read it to her for some morning humor. we both laughed so hard. but now i'm thinking it's just a joke after reading willy's post. oh well....i'm not calling my friend back. we'll just let her think it was you. doesn't really matter since she doesn't know you anyway. *lol*
thanks for stopping by my blog and checking on me. i left you a post over there. i sent you pics of my grandchildren to the .net email address, but now i'm thinking you didn't get them. i probably should have sent them to the hotmail address.
i know you enjoyed your vacation, and went back to teaching all relaxed and refreshed.
we're having 70 degree weather here. i hope spring is here to stay. i love the warm weather. have a great weekend.
sylvia
hi leslie,
HAPPY EASTER!
sylvia
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