I was really looking forward to spending the rest of my life with Lorne. We had planned on getting married this past September, but had to postpone everything due to his chemotherapy. At least that's what we told everyone. In actual fact, things started to fall apart a long time ago and came to a head in March.I'm not going to go into details, but the man of my dreams turned out not to be as magnificent as I'd remembered him to be. I will be magnanimous towards him and admit that I, too, perhaps was not the maiden that he'd remembered, either.
As we got to know each other more deeply on a much more mature level, we both realized that life experiences had changed us and we began to have misgivings about a future together. After my husband's death in 1992, I had major resposibilities towards my children and had to work to maintain them through their teenage years and beyond. I had to become markedly self-disciplined, organized, and maternal. On the other hand, he had absolutely no experience or understanding of what it meant to be a married mate. We clashed on so many issues that it became impossible to continue our relationship. In essence, we were enormously mismatched.
He is now living elsewhere and will finish up his chemo without my direct support, although I do wish him well in the mending process. We might eventually be able to maintain a social relationship, but in actual fact, I think we will most likely go our separate ways.
I mourn the loss of the dream with him a second time in my life. Maybe God gave us the chance to come to the realization that we were not meant to be. But now I must move forward, marvelling in the joy I have with family, friends, and fulfilling work with my students. I'm also excited about planning my next trip - a cruise to Alaska next May with Daughter #2 and hopefully, an extended trip to the United Kingdom next summer or fall.
42 comments:
I'm so sorry, Leslie and it must have taken courage for you to write about this here. I wish I had the right words of comfort for you but I can only say that I feel for you and am around if you need me. You do seem positive and I'm sure the trip to the UK will help. Lots of love from Sicily.
You are full of courage Leslie .. courage to actually face the truth . . You both tried as that is what you both thought you wanted , yes maybe God had a lot to do with it too.
Wow how exciting to be going to Alaska... I know a blogger whos sister lives out there ..:-) Yes and to the UK ... Maybe a trip to Paris too. xx
I'm so very sad for you, Leslie, but at the same time glad it happened before the wedding. I'm not so sure we can ever go back to another time in life and start again. After my divorce I dated the guy that had been the love of my life in high school. I had never forgotten him and in fact, had made him into much more than he really was and so, like you, when I got to know him more and more as an adult, it soured and we went out separate ways.
It hurts so badly and I pray for your comfort for the future. I'm so glad you're moving ahead and making plans!!
So good you didn't marry then. Glad you had some good times and are now filling your future with so much to enjoy.
What a brave and dignified explanation, one that values the self-respect of you both.
Lorne, if you are reading this, I too wish you well. It is a hard path you are travelling so I pray that you will find ease and peace.
Leslie, you'll motor on as you have always done and those travelling plans are going to give you the focus you need (and I know I owe you a reply - tomorrow, I hope).
God bless you both.
Oh Leslie - what a moving post! I so look forward to you coming over to UK! This was heart moving - so glad to have you as a friend. Dxx
Welshcakes has taken the words out of my mouth. I am sorry for the loss of your dream and commend you on the courage and grace you show with sharing your story, I am not sure I could have found the strength to share that...but I guess in some way it might be part of a healing process for you. Seeing it in print and put out there for all to read! wow...
Now you are moving forward, still loving and living life....an Alaskan cruise how wonderful.....
I'm very sorry that it didn't work out. I did wonder when you didn't mention him for ages.
Glad to read you're excited about a trip, that will be nice.
Take care.
sending hugs x x
come to cambridge for a nice relaxing massage when you visit the uk :-)
Hi Leslie,
I'm sorry that things didn't turn out as you hoped but am glad that you were able to confront the realities with so much strength and grace. I hope you have a wonderful trip with your daughter and glad you have the fun of planning that as well as other travels. Take care, Carver
A magnificent and very brave post, Leslie. I do admire your courage in writing about it here and in facing the truth. The truth is not always what we want/hope it would be, but it is always wiser to deal with the facts rather than ignore them by trying to make a relationship work when you know it is destined to fail. May you find much joy in some travel, your children and friends!
Sylvia
Sylvia
I am so grateful that you share what's going on with your life for now. I know this is just part of what you have and the most is not that mismatched. You are a very gorgeous woman and I could tell you have a heart and love to give. Nice to know the vacation plan, you deserve it and enjoy!!
xoxo
Manang Kim
Mushroom&Mussels
Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your life with us. I'm sorry for the way things turned out but glad you discovered things before you made a commitment.
God's ways are not our ways and who knows what is in store for you. If I was close I would give you a huge, loving hug.
So happy you will do some exciting and wonderful trips with your family and friends.
(((HUGS)))
Sue
It is sometimes better to remain single, than to be married and regret it. That would be very sad also. I hope you are healing and will be happy with the life you chose.
Congratulations on becoming a team member at the ABC Wednesday meme.
What wonderful vacations you have planned for the future. Have a fun time with your daughter #2.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out for the two of you. But it's best to quit when you feel like this and not continue something that would have made you feel worse and worse in the future.
I hope you will enjoy your holiday with your daughter.
Oh, dear. I'm sorry to hear of your shattered dreams. I'm sure these are very difficult times for you and you are wise to be focusing on future plans rather than past sorrows. All the best, Leslie!
I'm sorry! Mismatches have been fairly 'common' in my life. :) May your new journey take you on ever widening happiness!
Life has many twists and turns and sometimes we get off on a track that leads nowhere. I admire your courage Leslie, and wish you happiness in the future.
Life has many twists and turns and sometimes we get off on a track that leads nowhere. I admire your courage Leslie, and wish you happiness in the future.
I know you and I have sort of gone our separate ways too, but I have always wished you well, and hoped, hoped, hoped that your dream with Lorne would work out for you. I have such belief and hope in second chances and fairy tale endings.
I'm so, so, so sorry it didn't work out. I feel very sad. But you're a very strong person, and you have a good life. I still think that "right" person for you is out there... Don't give up. :-)
Cheers!
Oh, my. I know from what you have written what an emotional investment you had put in that relationship. Very brave indeed. I've BEEN in a bad relationship or three so I definitely can relate.
On another topic: WELCOME TO THE TEAM!
ROG, ABC Wednesday team
Loved the way you used the M's in your story. Very creative! Here's my contribution.
I was so sorry to read about your pareting of the ways. As was aid - that took so much courage - to write about it yes, but to realize that you were mismatched and part ways.
If it is meant to be , you will find someone. Now you can move forward - you have so much love around you.
Take care.
Leslie, You wrote this from the heart obviously - an extremely courageous post to write. As someone once told me, "Life is a trip." And then you come home.
Your upcoming trip is a blessing and you are living proof that the blogosphere is filled with people who I would personally feel privileged to meet.
Hi Leslie, so sorry to hear that ... I hope you're OK now ... good for you, you can even go on a cruise to unwind...
I may not be in a position to tell you this, but go where you're happy at... God Bless you.
Have a nice time!
My ABC Wednesday Here
Wow.
Maybe you were Meant to be there for him during that time, and Maybe no longer.
But yes, it's sad. I understand how you feel, as do some of the other women here, and we all admire you for being able to talk about it.
(Some day maybe you can tell me how to be self-disciplined and organized. That's truly awesome.)
Kay, Alberta
Sorry, Leslie to hear that the wedding is off! I understand that such a match was not possible. I have been independant for 11 years now and I don't think that I can get used to another partner again. I have taken many decisions since my husband died and learned a lot. It's very brave of you to share this with your blogging friends!
I'm so sorry and thanks for this post, at least i am not alone.
Happy ABC Wednesday.
It takes a lot to Muster of the courage to share a story like this with everyone. You're a wise woman to realize this wasn't the path for you. I wish you Many happy times ahead.
So sorry you have to go through something like this. I hope things start looking up for you.
Thanks for playing ABC Wed.
Barb- Part of the ABC Team.
Sometimes we have to make tough decisions...sorry it didn't work out but it's good you two made a sound, adult decision... Enjoy your future plans, they sound fun and exciting!!
M is for me...
Life is not always easy, but you have my best wishes.
This is sad news but I commend you for your straightforwardness and honesty. It can't have been easy but maybe deep down there's a sense of relief. I'm glad you have exciting things planned for the future.
What an honest and courageous post. You have share your story with so much reality we can all relate too, even if our story is totally different.
I'm so glad the Lord says he has a future for us, a good one and not one to harm us. I will be excited to see where God lead you now.
Thank you for sharing your life.
You told your story so well Leslie and so bravely. I hope you are now able to move towards a bright future. I hope you enjoy your trip to Alaska (I cruised there last May)and your trip to the UK.
shake it off,,
God has a better arrangement for you.
follow the flow,
let yourself glow.
Sorry about the loss of your once love. It is difficult anytime.. before or after the wedding.
Oh, sweet lady, I am so sorry things haven't worked out with you and Lorne(hugs). Sometimes, no matter how hard we might try to make it otherwise, some things are simply not meant to be. You deserve happiness and peace of mind, and this year has proved such a difficult one for you. Be kind to yourself, Leslie, I'm thinking of you ((x)).
Oh, how sad for both of you. I know it can be hard for a bachelor to blend in with an existing family, and indeed to adapt to living with anyone else at all. Perhaps it's just that. He's been a bachelor too long.
I hope things work out for both of you.
There is so much sorrow in this post, Leslie, yet there is so much courage.
I wish both of you well, as you know.
(PS: I just re-opened my blog, believe it or not!)
What difficult decisions You have had to make! Wishing all the best for you as you move forward with your life!
Keep that trip to the UK in the forefront of your mind, leslie! And let me know when you're coming to stay!
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