I was really looking forward to spending the rest of my life with Lorne. We had planned on getting married this past September, but had to postpone everything due to his chemotherapy. At least that's what we told everyone. In actual fact, things started to fall apart a long time ago and came to a head in March.
I'm not going to go into details, but the man of my dreams turned out not to be as magnificent as I'd remembered him to be. I will be magnanimous towards him and admit that I, too, perhaps was not the maiden that he'd remembered, either.
As we got to know each other more deeply on a much more mature level, we both realized that life experiences had changed us and we began to have misgivings about a future together. After my husband's death in 1992, I had major resposibilities towards my children and had to work to maintain them through their teenage years and beyond. I had to become markedly self-disciplined, organized, and maternal. On the other hand, he had absolutely no experience or understanding of what it meant to be a married mate. We clashed on so many issues that it became impossible to continue our relationship. In essence, we were enormously mismatched.
He is now living elsewhere and will finish up his chemo without my direct support, although I do wish him well in the mending process. We might eventually be able to maintain a social relationship, but in actual fact, I think we will most likely go our separate ways.
I mourn the loss of the dream with him a second time in my life. Maybe God gave us the chance to come to the realization that we were not meant to be. But now I must move forward, marvelling in the joy I have with family, friends, and fulfilling work with my students. I'm also excited about planning my next trip - a cruise to Alaska next May with Daughter #2 and hopefully, an extended trip to the United Kingdom next summer or fall.