About Me

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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Monday, October 18, 2010

N is for Nothing


I have nothing today. I even looked through the crossword puzzle dictionary and there were lots of N-words. But nothing has come to me that I want to write about. I thought of the word "nature" and thought I could put up some photos of my garden or the neighbourhood or the changing colours of the leaves. But my mind said, "No!" Not today.

I've been through a helluva couple of weeks, most nights not even being able to sleep without a little prescriptive assistance. No, I don't do narcotics....just a half a tranquilizer. After about an hour or so, it starts to kick in and I can relax.

It's not that I'm sad, but I'm not happy either. I feel nothing. I keep myself busy by going to aquacizes at the pool, talking to friends, and preparing for my students. I enjoy watching some things on TV at night but then I get bored so I read.

I have no right to complain. After all, I own my home and car and have money put aside. My daughters are happy in their lives and my grandchildren are healthy. I have social plans for Thursday breakfast and a pedicure in the afternoon. I'm having massage therapy Friday morning and getting my hair done Friday afternoon. And I'm going to a dinner party on Saturday. There is always something to do.

But I feel nothing right now. Nuts! I wonder how long this will last.

32 comments:

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

Dear Leslie I do hope it doesn't last too long ..I think it is very good that you have plans for yourself and with friends.

I know this feeling , and a feeling I have lots of times.. I can sit in a room with people I know and feel nothing. Like you say not sad nor happy .. just Nothing yep it is nuts.

I felt like that today, No work, No-one about, no-one asked me round for coffee.. my hubby is away for a week,.. !!

Beverley Baird said...

Here's hoping that this won't last long - that you will feel alive again, if you know what I mean.
Just take care of yourself and keep active. Looks like you will be having a busy week and that is great!
Take care.

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh, Leslie, I also hope it doesn't last long. Are your grandchildren nearby? Hugging a kid can often take that Nothing feeling away.
Meanwhile, a pedicure sounds wonderfully soothing and massage might be even better. But I know how you feel, and it's disconcerting for sure, but a bit better than a bad case of The Screaming Lonelies.
-- K

nancygrayce said...

I hope it doesn't last long, but you know, it just lasts until it doesn't. You gave yourself and now you got yourself back and you have to figure out where to go from here. I'm so glad you're staying busy! That will go a long way towards helping you to feel again.

:)

Kay L. Davies said...

Still thinking about you, Leslie. Wanted you to know.
-- K

LisaF said...

Sounds like you need a little Nepenthe! ;-) Seriously, being in a funk is NO fun. I hope you pull yourself out of it soon.

Cezar and Léia said...

I love your story, oh girl, you are very talent with words!NOOOO doubt about it! :)
Hugs
Léia

Wanda said...

For someone with NOTHING to do... you have a busy schedule of fun sounding things... It's sure time for me to get a NEEDED pedicure.

Great Nothing Post!!!

Sylvia K said...

I hope it doesn't last much longer either, Leslie! Not a fun time for you and I surely do understand! Holding good thoughts for you!

Sylvia

photowannabe said...

I could give you all kinds of platitudes but I won't. I just want to give you a huge hug.
Thanks for being so vulnerable.
Take care
(((HUGS)))

Nanka said...

Ahh!! I do see something...
Loved your fun take. Took me a while to find you but it was worth it. I found your pumpkin patch avatar...Great one!! :)

Barbara said...

Hope it doesn't last too long - I hate that feeling. I found meditation helped me - stopped my mind going around in negative circles.

RuneE said...

A better word would perhaps be Empty. But what is empty can be filled :-)

Roger Owen Green said...

Well, Leslie -
I think you need to do some self-indulgent stuff. Get a massage. Take a bath, instead of a shower. Buy something unnecessary that you covet. Do something goofy.

Know I care.
ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Carver said...

I hope the nothing feeling doesn't last too long and glad you have good things in your life too.

EG Wow said...

Time...it takes time. I'm sure everyone is sending their best wishes, Leslie!

Amy said...

Leslie, Your honesty is refreshing and I agree with Sue - sending you a big hug too!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Hope you get back to normal soon - not nice to feel under par, whatever the reason.

Granny Smith said...

Not much one can do about that feeling except to know that it will eventually go away. I'm sending a great big hug and hoping you fell differently soon.

Tumblewords: said...

Hope it doesn't last too long - sounds like you are having a busy week - take care and keep your chin up!

Gramma Ann said...

For a nothing kind of lady, it sounds to me like your nothing has turned into a something to do each day. I hope nothing gets in the way of your plans for the rest of the week. If nothing shows up again, kick him in the butt and send him on his way. Nothing just isn't good for you.

Lots of love comin' your way... from me to you.

Shigune Matsui said...

Hmmmm, blogger's block? I understand. I've had artist's block, and it doesn't feel too great. Here's mine http://thelunaticsdiary.blogspot.com/2010/10/neurotoxic-demon.html

mrsnesbitt said...

Oh leslie - just love and empathise with Roger's comment!

Have tears right now my luvly!
Dxxxxx

Vernz said...

really leslie, so there will come a time that someone with everything around would feel something like nothing... life really is unphatomable... hope you're full of everything now..

My ABC Wednesday here

Hildred and Charles said...

Patience Leslie, - everything passes. Keep busy and get involved in new things. Hugs....

ChrisJ said...

Whenever I feel like this, I go to the animal shelter and cuddle my cats. Seriously. It is great therapy for me.

Jay said...

Oh dear .. well do I know the 'not sleeping' thing! I've been put on amitriptylline to try to help, but it just gives me nightmares! I hope you get past it soon. No wonder you're feeling unemotional and drained, lack of sleep will do that to you. :(

And see? You didn't have 'nothing' after all. You made an interesting post out of 'nothing'! And on behalf of the team, thanks for taking part this week! :)

Always smiling said...

Dear Leslie,
I read back on your mails to see why you feel ‘nothing’ and I was sad to read that you and Lorne had decided you weren't suited after all. It must have been very hard to come to that decision as you had pinned a lot of hopes and dreams on your relationship. Take courage in the truth that you found out in time not to make a big mistake. Nothing I can say will take away how you are feeling now, but stay with a close girl friend talk and talk and talk until your heart knows you will be all right. Cosset yourself and don’t be afraid to cry with your friend and when you’re alone. Life has its twists and turns for us, and only we can live our own and only we can decide how each day is for us. My bestest friend and I have had many a telephone cry along!! And it did us good, it didn’t take away the empty feeling but it was nice to know we each felt each others pain.
Love and Blessings
Chris xxxx

jabblog said...

It will pass eventually - the black dog will get up and walk away and you will realise one day that you are lighter of heart and step than you have been for a long time. It's good that you have plans and activities but it's natural that you should grieve for what you once hoped would come to pass.

Jama said...

I hope this feeling will not last long. Good to have a positive thinking and always be thankful and contend with what life have to offer right now.
Hope a virtual *HUG* will somehow help...

Casdok said...

Hope it dosnt last long. More hugs.

Liz said...

Have you considered getting another dog? I just wondered as you always talk so fondly about your previous dog and they certainly get you out and about - and make you laugh. And scream!