As human beings, though, we tend towards wishing, thirsting and aching for what we intellectually know is either wrong, forbidden, or impossible - for whatever reason. Although it's been almost 20 years since my husband died, there are still times when I think back and remember the good times we had with our daughters. I remember when we first met, he tried to seduce me with his collection of Leonard Cohen records (78 rpm - remember those?). I remember the smell of his cigarettes and the rum and coke he loved to drink at the end of a hectic day at work. And I also remember the unbelieveable pain I experienced when he died. It took me years to come to the conclusion that I actually wanted to survive. I put one foot in front of the other, took one moment at a time, and finally was able to laugh and love again.
But once in a while...
Yearning is the colour of morning dew.
It looks like dreary clouds in a sky of blue.
It sounds like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”
It smells like cigarettes and rum with cola.
It tastes like wearisome and warm champagne.
It feels like barbed wire tears and cold, wet rain.
Yearning is the soul aching for what can’t be gained.In the fall of 1973, I'd been married a few months and, although I loved my husband, things were not going well. I took myself off to a movie to get my mind off things and saw "The Way We Were." Not a great choice. It took me back to the person I'd been with for over 3 years before marrying my husband after only 6 months of knowing each other. I cried all the way home, thinking about what we had had and what we might have been able to have if we had not been so immature.
But then, I guess God had another plan for us all. I have fully mourned the loss of my husband and am now dancing in the love that I had lost and now have found again. Enjoy the song for its beautiful lyrics and melody and don't yearn for what could have been. This is a time to sing and dance with joy!
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we give to one another for the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again tell me would we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter we will remember whenever we remember the way we were.
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me - Would we? Could we?
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were.
Happy New Year everyone!