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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Y is for YEARNING

In Ecclesiastes 3, it is written that there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens; a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; and it goes on to say Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before, and God will call the past to account.

As human beings, though, we tend towards wishing, thirsting and aching for what we intellectually know is either wrong, forbidden, or impossible - for whatever reason. Although it's been almost 20 years since my husband died, there are still times when I think back and remember the good times we had with our daughters. I remember when we first met, he tried to seduce me with his collection of Leonard Cohen records (78 rpm - remember those?). I remember the smell of his cigarettes and the rum and coke he loved to drink at the end of a hectic day at work. And I also remember the unbelieveable pain I experienced when he died. It took me years to come to the conclusion that I actually wanted to survive. I put one foot in front of the other, took one moment at a time, and finally was able to laugh and love again.

But once in a while...

YEARNING

Yearning is the colour of morning dew.

It looks like dreary clouds in a sky of blue.

It sounds like Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”

It smells like cigarettes and rum with cola.

It tastes like wearisome and warm champagne.

It feels like barbed wire tears and cold, wet rain.

Yearning is the soul aching for what can’t be gained.

In the fall of 1973, I'd been married a few months and, although I loved my husband, things were not going well. I took myself off to a movie to get my mind off things and saw "The Way We Were." Not a great choice. It took me back to the person I'd been with for over 3 years before marrying my husband after only 6 months of knowing each other. I cried all the way home, thinking about what we had had and what we might have been able to have if we had not been so immature.

But then, I guess God had another plan for us all. I have fully mourned the loss of my husband and am now dancing in the love that I had lost and now have found again. Enjoy the song for its beautiful lyrics and melody and don't yearn for what could have been. This is a time to sing and dance with joy!

Memories, light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we give to one another
for the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again tell me would we?
Could we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter we will remember whenever we remember the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me - Would we? Could we?

Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget

So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were.


Happy New Year everyone!

27 comments:

jill said...

Hi Leslie,thank you for your comment on my blog.Yes I do know Denise she is a very good close friend of mine,I would love to meet up with you when you visit later in the new year.Wishing you and your family a happy healthy new year,love and blessings Jill xx

nancygrayce said...

Sometimes the things we yearn for come back to us! :)

I used that passage in my blog post today but for an entirely different reason. This has been a difficult year for us......but I know God will make it all new.

Liz said...

You have come through what must have been an unbelievably difficult time - I can't imagine the pain, grief and guilt you must have gone through - with a fantastic spirit. You deserve every happiness and I wish you that for 2012 and beyond.
xx

Reader Wil said...

Yearning is sometimes useful, at other times it makes sad. The older you get the more the sad feeling prevails.

Anonymous said...

Hi Leslie,
Great blog - I am so impressed with your poetry. And your Christmas teddy bear reminds me of the teddy bear Christmas ornament that we still put out that you gave Kiki when you were her Pioneer Pal. Lovely to catch up with you even if it is in cyberspace! Jeanie Tegelberg

Leslie: said...

Hi Jeanie, I still have the little picture of the two bears with the saying "Love Bears All Things" that Kiki gave me when she was a Pioneer Girl. I have fond memories of that time - how is she doing?

Roger Owen Green said...

That Ecclesiastes reading was read at my in-laws' church on 1/1/12, which is where I was.

I spend too much time YEARNING myself...


YOU are a classy woman, Leslie.

ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Paula Scott said...

What a beautiful tribute and a poignant reflection of what was and no longer is. Reminding us to live in the moment, for sure.

anthonynorth said...

Great words, and i love that song.

photowannabe said...

Amazing poignant memories and reflections Leslie.
Sometimes life is just putting one foot in front of the other.
Kudos to you for doing that and finding love again.
Barbed Wire tears...powerful words.

Kim, USA said...

I yearn for a happy and peaceful new YEAR. Happy New Year!

Y

Hildred and Charles said...

Such a thoughtful post, - your sharing brings appreciation of the memories that sometimes cause us painful yearnings.

Carver said...

Very poignant post. I hope you have a wonderful year ahead.

Rambling Woods said...

This is a very moving post....

Gigi Ann said...

Very moving post. And I think sometimes we all yearn for what could have been...I love Barbra's singing, and Memories is one of my favorites.

Tumblewords: said...

Lovely words. That song has been one of my favorites for a long time.

chubskulit said...

BS is one of my favorite singers of all time!

Gattina said...

Very touching post !
Gattina
ABC Team

jabblog said...

A poignant, charming post.

Meryl said...

What a powerful post and what great vision and wishes for this new year. I am go glad you found strength and love and more strength and more love and hope the cycle only continues to inspire you and all of us through your wonderful blog posts!

Martha said...

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing a part of your heart and soul with us.

Francisca said...

Leslie, I'd like to give you a hug. Hope this coming year all you hope you it will be.

Lisa said...

Oh Leslie, this is such a beautiful, poignant post. Your words are so heart-felt that I just want to reach through the computer and hug you!

Joy said...

A beautiful reflection, a time for everything. As the saying goes - there is no difference between a long and a short life, they are just moments in time.

Rajesh said...

The impact is a mix.Sometimes happy and other times sad.

Smalltown RN said...

Wow Leslie...that was a powerful story..full of emotions and reflection all with what I would consider a positive ending.

Happy New Years my friend and my 2012 be a year full of all good things for you and your family!

Shrinky said...

Ahh, what a beautifully written post, and you've chosen such an apt song to include in with it. Yes, it's our nature to often re-write history, and then to long for it to repeat the way it SHOULD have gone (insert wistful smile).

Truth is, we live in the present, and it's here we must find our joy. I am so glad you seem to have done just that.