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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Monday, May 31, 2010

T is for TRUST

Being reliant on another person or having faith in others and believing them is called TRUST. It is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife and can be cultivated and nurtured by creating a safe emotional space. There are a few guidelines to follow when creating that safe emotional space that engenders trust.

1. Constantly work on improving communication skills. The most important part of being a good communicator is by being a good listener and using "I" statements.
2. Take on the responsibility of expressing your needs and express them clearly and assertively. Don't be afraid of rejection or of being ashamed of having these needs.
3. Be positive and give pleasure. Use the "5 to 1 rule" where you have to consciously say 5 positive things to your spouse before saying anything negative or critical.
4. Don't allow issues to go unresolved. When issues don't get resolved, then resentments develop and fester. And when resentments develop then trust is lost.
5. It's okay to fight but learn to fight fair. Here are a few ideas about how to fight fair - never resort to name-calling, keep to the issue at hand, don't say "you never" or "you always," never bring the other person's family into the issue at hand, agree beforehand on a method of time out if you feel things are getting out of hand.

Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy. Be careful how you treat each other. Many people wrongly believe that in a good marriage, you can "relax" and not have to monitor everything you say and do. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
In a good marriage, you must always be monitoring your behavior. This is the key to building a strong relationship and trust.

14 comments:

ShutterHappyJenn said...

I couldn't agree more! Trust is one of the most fragile things we need to take care of.

I have two entries for ABC Wednesday, you can check it HERE and HERE. Happy mid-week to you!

nancygrayce said...

How true! I once worked with juveniles and at a workshop we learned about the "I" statements.....the psychologist teaching the class assured us that it would work in ANY situation. So I got home to my troubled marriage and well, let's just say it didn't work!

That's a story for another day. I pray things are going well with you!!!

Amy said...

This is a very good reminder on "trust." We shouldn't ever take it for granted. I hope all is going well for you.

Hildred and Charles said...

Words of great wisdom, - absolutely essential in any relationship.

Paula Scott said...

Trust. Hard for us to do, isn't it? You did well here!

Jingle said...

love the touching hands...
trust we have,
we thrive...

fabulous t post!
smiles!

Roger Owen Green said...

Trust is tricky. Worthy goal, though.

ROG, ABC Wednesday team

Manang Kim said...

Very much true. And I am guilty of some of the listed up there ^_^ But I am working on it all the time. Happy Wednesday!

ABC Wednesday~T

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I am in agreement too!! ( I ) is the key word.. and I must remember that .. especially in a temper :-)..

Oh you must go to the changing of the guard .. next time!! I have links with Cambridge too.. My mum lives in Newmarket, not far away, my brother lives in a village just outside, my niece lives there and my sister (past) used to work in the city!

Tumblewords: said...

Truly!

Beverley Baird said...

What a perfect recipe for a good marriage! Love your post on Trust!

Carol said...

Excellent Guidelines, and good post about possibly the most important "T" word of all.

Jay said...

Good advice. I especially like the rule of five!

Reader Wil said...

A very good post! Trust is a great word and this is so true:"Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy." I 've experienced the latter lately. That you think you can trust someone and this person appears to be stealing from you, is very painful. I am glad that I can survive and learnt a lesson.