About Me

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Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Nesting

We've had a busy few days as everyone pitched in to help daughter#2 move into her first very own place. The journey we've been on for the last 6 months has been extremely stressful - tense, traumatic, and taxing. Almost two months of her life was spent in two different hospitals to help her get her mood disorder under control with pharmaceutical therapy. The rest of the time was spent in an adult transitional house where workers assisted her in preparing to return to the work force and to live on her own. Many, many tears have been shed over this period of time.

Back in April, I met with J's psychologist and social worker and told them that I would not allow J to come home to live with me again. They looked at me like I was evil incarnate. Knowing her as I do, I knew that it would be the worst decision to allow her home because we would both fall back into our old "roles." The only way I could help her was to NOT help her. I remember that day, as I sat on the edge of her hospital bed and listened to her cry as she said to me, "I just don't understand why I can't come home!" At the time, I told her, "I know you don't understand now, but I hope one day you will."

I think she understands now. Last night when I popped over to see how she was managing with unpacking her things, she welcomed me with a gigantic smile. She was in high spirits and said that it was great to be in her "very own place." She actually asked me to turn out the dining room light, too. I had to laugh because now she has to pay her own electric bill and is more aware of these little things. She proudly opened her kitchen cupboards and drawers to show me how she'd arranged things and told me that she would need to buy a cutlery organizer and some tea towels (no dishwasher in this place!).

Today, she went out for brunch with a girl friend and they drove into Richmond to Michael's (the craft store). As well as working to pay the bills, she's going to be getting back into designing jewelry, painting on canvas, and writing poetry. Tonight another friend is bringing sushi over to share and tomorrow she's off to check in with two of her doctors.
A lot of people showed up to help J move. The whole family helped as well as 3 of her friends and 3 people from my church, including the pastor himself - even with his bad back! At one point there were 11 people in her apartment and we all paused for a few minutes as my pastor led us in prayer to bless J and her new home. Family and friends - that's what life is all about. J's first day in her new apartment was filled with love and, even though she's living by herself, she knows that she is not alone in life.

She is nesting. She is filled with the joy that can only come with victory. She has succeeded in overcoming a frightening and debilitating illness that could have killed her. She's alive...she's well...she's back! With the help of family, friends, and prayer nothing can stop her now.

15 comments:

jmb said...

Leslie, how lovely. I wish her every happiness in her new place. How great that you recognized that you could be there for her but she needed to do this on her own. I hope that she continues to do well and can continue along the road to total good health.
regards
jmb

Ruth D~ said...

"The only way I could help her was to NOT help her." This is so true and so hard to do, and hurts so much to do, but look at the results. I know it's always going to be ups and downs for your daughter, but it's that way for all of us, if you think of it. I'm glad things are working out.

Janice Thomson said...

What a wise mother Leslie. Tough love is indeed the hardest thing to endure, and to hand out, yet the rewards, as your lovely story shows, are well worth it.

Susie said...

You must be filled with pride at how far your daughter has come these last 6 months. I'm sure it was a tough time for your entire family.

patterns of ink said...

Nice title, photo, and tie-in to a touching post. These transitions are always hard but important. You seem to be handling it well, but I know it isn't easy.

leslie said...

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Yes, it's been extremely hard, both letting her go to sink or swim AND getting used to living by myself. We spent most of today together and had a lovely day. I helped her take a lot more of her things over to her place and when I left, said to her, "Well, I guess you're back at work tomorrow and I won't see you for a while. But call me and come to visit 'cuz I do miss you." She smiled and said, "Of course." So, as she begins to make her own nest, I am now an empty nester, I guess. :D

JR's Thumbprints said...

It's never easy dishing out "Tough Love." You're courageous for weathering the potential storm, and so is your daughter for surviving the ordeal.

wanda said...

Hi leslie,
just popped in to say have a great day...
hugs,
Wanda

Josie said...

Leslie, I knew J would land on her feet. I just had a good feeling about it. She's a smart girl, and I think she is going to make it. I know she is going to make it.

Now, for that jewelry business she's going to start..... :-)

leslie said...

Yes, her jewelry business - even her doctor says it's a great idea for her so she just has to work part time (officially). She's already purchased more bead stuff plus another canvas to paint and wants to get going building her stock. We've even talked about going in together with me doing the cards with my own photos. So watch out world...here we come! :D

SusieQ said...

I know this must have been a difficult decision for you to make. Sometimes we have to push our children out of the nest if they are ever to fly and be on their own though. We won't be around for them forever.

the walking man said...

http://www.bonitafikedesigns.com/

This is a friend of mine whom I have known for 25 years if your daughter needs any advice on jewelry or hand made cards or any other art Bonita i am sure would be glad to help her or tell where to get more exotic beads and stones.
Bonita is a lovely soul who used to curate at The Detroit Institute of Art in the European and Modern art Departments.

Like your daughter she has to work another job but I believe that one day this will be her full time business and I hope the same for J.

Peace
The Stinking WM (LOL)

Nancy said...

Tough love can be "tough" but the reward is a healthy, happy daughter! Bless you for being such a great mom. I will say an extra prayer that things continue to go well.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I am so happy for you and your daughter. We all understand how difficult tough love can be so we applaud you for being able to administer it effectively. You have given your daughter a great gift. God bless.

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