Actual Letter to Proctor & Gamble

A friend of mine emailed this to me and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. Brava to the woman who wrote it. All I can say is I'm glad I don't need the product anymore.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you freaking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have I chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep...

Always.

******

LATEST PHOTO ENTRIES

Well, it's voting time again for the latest Telus Photo Contest. The theme this time is "Dreams" and my entries are as follows: "Dream Tree," "When I Grow Up," "En Attendant (Waiting)," and "Finale."
If anyone is registered on the site, feel free to drop by http://photos.globetrotter.net/concours/vote_album.asp to vote. Again, it's so hard to choose as there have been some absolutely fantastic photos submitted by some very talented photographers.

Manhattan Beach Reunion

Well, I survived the reunion even though I was congested with a head cold the whole time I was there. :( And I found a pair of jeans that fit!!! We had a fabulous time Friday night meeting with everyone and eating great food at the Matisse Restaurant (at the hotel). Then Saturday, the salty sea air was good for the congestion and some of us biked for 2 hours along the Strand - from Manhattan Beach all the way south through Hermosa Beach and to Redondo Beach and back. Saturday night a marguerita snuck up on me so I couldn't finish the second one but the Mexican food was delicious (the hot salsa helped with the congestion, too, lol). Chatted with an actor who had come along to give his single friend moral support. After dinner, we snuck booze into the hotel and partied on the outdoor patio until 1:00 am with the help of a local sheriff. Yes!!! Sunday, we got a few shots of some of the group that was staying at the hotel and then Suzanne and I drove through the Mojave Desert to Tehachapi and Stallion Springs to stay with her Mom. We had a great time driving around the area looking at some property dreaming about moving there together. I spied a cute cowboy at a restaurant where we had lunch and am going to contact him through the owner - she happens to be one of Suzanne's Mom's art students! Talk about a convoluted connection! Hah! All in all, a fun week! And my cold's all gone now. :D

Suzanne and I having Japanese food in Tehachapi - is that ironic or what?

PHOTO CONTEST UPDATE - TIME TO VOTE!

I think this is my favourite one.

Hi everyone - thanks for your comments on my photos (blog below). It's now voting time! So if any of you are interested, click on http://photos.globetrotter.net/index.asp and join up so you can vote. There are 404 entries in the "golden age" theme and my photos are scattered throughout.

The sleeping Sicilian is on page 3 and is number 35.

The 4 old Italian men (above) is on page 5 and is number 69.

The photo of the Colosseum is on page 11 and is number 163.

The old villa in Ravello is on page 16 and is number 243.

The ancient Greek temple in Sicily is on page 19 and is number 290.

Check out all the photos and you'll see some fabulous shots from people all across Canada. Once you've joined, you can vote for 10 of the photos - 1 vote per photo. Even if I don't ever win, I really enjoy looking at the great shots people get and I'm sure you will, too. :D

PHOTO CONTEST

When I was in Italy, England, and Wales last fall I thoroughly enjoyed using my new digital camera. Some of my photos indicated I have an "eye" for photography and as a result, I've entered several of these shots in the Telus Photo Contests. The first time I entered, one of them actually tied for 8th place! If you'd like to actually vote for any of these photos, you need to be a member (free). Check out http://photos.globetrotter.net/index.asp. There are some fabulous photos to see there and you can also check out the archives for previous themes. The theme right now is "Golden Age" and I've so far entered 5 photos. Above is "Retirement, Italian Style". Below are: "Old Villa - Ravello, Italy." "Colosseum, Rome" (In the midst of the modern-day bustle in the city of Rome stands the most well-known symbol of the Golden Age of the Roman Empire - the Colosseum. The soot blackened walls strike an absurd contrast to the clean and bright modern buildings that surround it.) Next is "Ancient Greek Temple, Sicily." Finally, there is "Dormant au Soleil" (sleeping in the sun). Click on the photos to see them more clearly. I'd love some feedback. Which is/are your favourite(s)?

La Bell' Italia - Click on pics to enlarge

The Italians have the most interesting doors and windows. This was one of the most beautiful windows I saw. Even in October and November, flowers were blooming.

This famous ruin was at the Valley of the Temples in Agrigento, Sicily.

As I wandered around the valley, I couldn't help but see the beauty of the area. Although the ruins were spectacular, the scenery was even more so.

While we visited a tiny little village in Tuscany, I went off on my own to explore. I saw a gate that was ajar, so poked my nose in. This is what was in someone's backyard!

This is a typical scene of a fruit and vegetable store in Italy.

I know for a fact that no one else got this shot. I arrived back at the cars before anyone else and was gazing around when I looked behind me. I climbed up on the cement ledge of the parking lot fence and took this shot of a house in Sovana, a tiny village in the Umbria area.

I captured this shot at the Villa Rufolo - just trying to be "artsy."

This is at a villa in Ravelo, a small village high in the hills above Positano along the Amalfi Coast.

This is the town of Riomaggiore along the Cinque Terre region in north-west Italy. There are 5 towns that comprise the Cinque Terre and they are all built on the side of the cliffs. This is a shot of the town as we approached by boat.

This is the town of Portovenere across the water from Lerici where we stayed. The view from the top of the hill just outside the church was brilliant.

We arrived in Sicily and drove to this ancient hilltop village, Erice, and I took this shot looking back down the mountain toward the sea.

Speaking of Eyes

I can't believe it! I just checked the Telus Photo Contest and my photograph of a street artist in Florence tied for 8th place! I'd never entered a contest like this before so I entered two photographs. I really thought my other entry was a better picture, but it did not receive one vote. The next photos I entered were of the fountains in Lerici and sunset over the Isle of Capri. Your thoughts on these would be appreciated. (The theme was "Water.") People are now voting on the "water" photos. If you'd like to vote, you must register at http://photos.globetrotter.net/inscription_1.asp?lang=en







Right now, the theme is "Bridges," so I entered this one just today. I took it one sunny autumn day when friends took me on my first geocaching hunt. I remember thinking "What a beautiful scene. I must take a quick shot." Maybe I'll go wandering and take more photos since I feel like a winner right now. I've always wanted to get into photography and maybe - just maybe - I have an eye for it. (I have been told that I do.)

Friends and Full Moons

I took Robbie for another walk this evening (yes, 2 walks today!) and it was so lovely out. Just a bit of a breeze creating a crisp fresh smell to the air. The full moon shone down on us as we strolled the neighbourhood streets that are still lit up by the holiday merriment of Christmas and New Year's. By this time next week, all those lights will probably be taken down and stored away for another year. As I gazed up at the moon, beautiful beyond description, surrounded by silver wisps of cloud and a golden circular haze, I thought of all the wonderful friends I've made in the last 18 months or so. There's Suzanne in Arizona with whom I spent 4 glorious days last February. She took me to one of the world's greatest natural wonders, the Grand Canyon. We met online. Josie lives right here in Vancouver, a mere half-hour drive away, and we also met online. We spent New Year's eve together with some of my "old" friends, and we toasted our new friendship and the fun we're going to have in the future. Then there's Jane in Wales (also met online), and we finally met in person this past November when I stayed with her a couple of days. Tonight's full moon had me humming that song:

Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale blue night,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
Then we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night will start to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.

Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then, we'll be together,
Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true.

There have been others along the way, too. God has been good to me with all the new friends I've made - Vicki, Peggy, Joanne, and Connie in Florida; Willy in Paso Robles; Linda in Santa Cruz; Nancy in Porland; Cheryl in Montreal; Neva and Barb in Hawaii; Angie and Linda in New Orleans; Suzanne in Cape Cod; Markee in Denver; Fonda in Toronto; Diana in Akron; and Ada in Baltimore. My mind is just so full of gratitude right now for so many new friends. There was a time in my life when I felt alone but now I'm feeling blessed. I really believe that we're all under the same big sky and love will see us through - together!

Dad Memories

I've learned a lot about my Dad in the last several years. It's helped me to understand him as a person, not just as my father. He was lucky not to have had to go overseas during WWII, but he was a pilot in the Royal Canadian Air Force training other pilots and patroling the East Coast of Canada for submarines and enemy aircraft. He never talked much about the war until recently and it's been fascinating to hear his stories.

On Christmas Day, my daughter was showing Dad the wonders of the internet. He was amazed when she pulled up the 1946-47 photograph of his soccer team. Dad was a local athletic hero back in his younger days. We have many newspaper clippings from the Vancouver Sun Sports pages extolling his skill on the soccer field. Bookshelves proudly display his medals, trophies, and framed photos. He then became a linesman and referee, and ultimately, Northern Commissioner for the province of BC. He was also instrumental in modernizing the referees' uniforms, changing them from the black and white stripe to basic black with white collar. In 1987, the St. Andrew's Soccer Team was inducted into the BC Sports Hall of Fame. It touched my heart as I watched the memories flooding back to him.

The players on the 1946-47 St. Andrew's Soccer Team were: Frank Ambler, Johnny McKay, David Brown, John Newbold, Ted Enefer, Robert Newbold, Nick Glover, David Simpson, Cecil Goodheart, Earling Storness, Jimmy Greig, George Steele, Wes Henderson, John Webber, Jack Jones, Jack Whent, Don Matheson.

"The 1946/47 season saw St. Andrews win every competition they were eligible to enter. Consequently, they brought home the Anderson Cup, the Mainland Cup, the Pacific Coast League Trophy, the Nanaimo Perpetual Trophy, and the Dominion Football Association Trophy. The team won the 1947 Dominion Cup for the Canadian Soccer Championship. The Cup final was played at Callister Park in Vancouver before the largest crowd (7,533 spectators) in Canadian soccer history. It was the first national championship for the forty year old club." (from the BC Sports Hall of Fame http://www.bcsportshalloffame.com/cgi-bin/search.cgi?team_id=23&stype=searchsport&keyword=&type=ind&sport_id=18&year_=1987&category_id=team


I remember Dad blasting on his referee whistle to call us kids to come home from whatever we were doing in the neighbourhood. I also remember going to soccer games around Vancouver, especially Callister Park. We kids loved Callister Park because it had bleachers and a refreshment stand. We'd run up and down the steps and around the outside of the stadium, stopping for a hot dog and a pop when we got tired. At outdoor parks, we'd play on the swings as my Dad ran up and down the field blowing his whistle, making weird gestures, and waving flags. Before the games, my Dad would always tell us to stay out of the way if a fight broke out. That happened frequently when the Italy and England teams played. We weren't really interested in the games and didn't understand such things as "penalties" or "offsides" but what was important was that we were with our Dad.

School Christmas Concerts

Yesterday, December 19, I attended my former school's annual Christmas musical. This year it was entitled "The Bethlehem Chronicle," about a newspaper that was in big trouble! If subscriptions didn't increase, the paper would be shut down forever. Now it was up to Scoop Early, Sally O'Callahan and Rock Gibraltar to search for the biggest news in Bethlehem to help save the paper. Add a heavenly host of angels and shepherds and there was a miracle!

It was such a treat to sit back, relax and enjoy the show this year. I know just how hard the teachers work to prepare the children every year and for me, without having all that work and worry, I was able to look at their smiling faces and listen to their heavenly voices as the story and music unfolded. When my former students saw me sitting up there in the front row (right behind their teachers as they directed the show) it was so gratifying to see them smile right at me and wiggle a little finger (even though they weren't supposed to). After the show, so many little ones came running up to me to give me hugs and kisses and to wish me Merry Christmas. I even went upstairs to visit a few classrooms. Many parents asked how I was doing and I truly felt missed. In some ways it was difficult to be there and not really be a part of all the activity and excitement of this holiday season, but in reality I know I made the right decision at that time.

Kudos to teachers for all the extra hours they put in to organize these annual events for parents, grandparents, other family and friends. Parents would be astounded if they knew just how much it takes to prepare for these "little school Christmas concerts." Teachers put in so many extra hours making costumes, putting up lighting, learning how to do sound systems, directing and prompting the actors, choreographing the dancers, putting stage makeup on the main actors, writing and producing the programs, arranging for refreshments after the concert, and I could go on and on. And huge kudos to the Music teacher for pulling it all together to make sure that all children's eyes are on him/her for musical cues.

I thank God I was able to attend. I encourage all parents to go to these concerts with an open heart. Praise your child's performance and especially thank the teachers. They will love you forever and know that their efforts do not go unnoticed.

MARY DID YOU KNOW?

This song is one of my absolute favourites at this time of year! I first heard it almost 10 years ago when our church put on its annual Christmas musical. I was singing in the choir and two of the church's best singers (one man and one woman) sang it as a duet. Please listen to the words, sung here by Clay Aiken, and feel the power there. A very Merry Christmas to all and a Happy Hannukah to my Jewish friends.





Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

The blind will see.
And the deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I Am.

SANTA LIVES!

It has been a long, long time since the real Santa visited our family. But now that my grandson is just about 3 years old, we are all really into the season. The little guy is so excited about his upcoming visit to the jolly old soul, he's practising with his Mommy (my #1 daughter). He sits on her knee and says to her, "Now, Mommy, you be Santa." So Mommy says, "Ho, ho, ho! What do you want for Christmas?" "A yellow truck!" he proudly proclaims. The smile never leaves my face when I'm with him, thinking about him, or just looking at his picture. He has given me more joy than his parents can ever understand - that is until they have a grandchild, too. Christmas is going to be very jolly this year, indeed!

A Few More Not For Me

Too stiff















Too Young

















Too Rusty

















Not cuddly enough

Good Men Are Hard to Find

In my recent travels, I met some wonderful men. Here are a few of my favourites. The only problem was that they just aren't for me! :( Where are all the good available men these days?


Too religious
















Too old
















Too slippery















Dentally Challenged















Wrong Breed








Then you find some REAL men and find out you're probably related!!!