About Me

My photo
Delta, British Columbia, Canada
I took very early retirement from teaching in '06 and did some traveling in Europe and the UK before settling down to do some private tutoring. As a voracious reader, I have many books waiting in line for me to read. Tell me I shouldn't read something, and I will. I'm a happy, optimistic person and I love to travel and through that believe that life can be a continuous learning experience. I'm looking forward to traveling more some day. I enjoy walking, cycling, water aerobics & and sports like tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch/baseball. I'm just getting into photography as a hobby and I'm enjoying learning all the bits and bobs of my digital camera. My family is everything to me and I'm delighted to be the mother of two girls and the Gramma of a boy and a girl. I may be a Gramma, but I'm at heart just a girl who wants to have fun.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My Town Part 2

Okay, after you pass a couple of outdoor shopping malls, one on each side of the street, you will come to the real and original village of Ladner.



This is the sign welcoming all from far and wide to the village market held every other Sunday all summer long. I've actually overheard people from North and West Vancouver commenting on how they'd heard of Ladner but had never come "down" and "isn't it quaint?" LOL





This is a bit of the main drag of the old village.









Here's our Village Clock. It's right outside some of my favourite shops - South Coast Casuals and Heritage House (where I'm having a wing chair recovered).








Okay, you absolutely cannot come to Ladner without trying the BEST Greek food in town. MMMMM.....YUMMY! You can eat inside or outside on the lovely patio of the Taverna Gorgona.



Around the corner and down one block you will find the Ladner Museum full of historical information about the beginnings of this rural community. My daughter used to be a docent here when she was in high school. It's the original building and it's extremely interesting to wander around.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

FAMILY FOREVER



I was reading someone else's blog the other day where he wrote that he wasn't sure how he felt about his father, who had passed away a long time ago. I didn't respond, but it sure made me stop and remember how dysfunctional my family was/is. I'd always hated my Dad but now he's old and fragile and I think he probably did what he thought was right at the time. So I decided to forgive him - not to his face because he'd never believe he'd done anything wrong - but in my heart. It has helped a lot. God is gracious. He's forgiven me for a lot, too.

My older sister and I have not always been close, and since my Mom died four years ago, I have seen things in her that have not been attractive. However, she is my sister, my blood, and so I forgive her for her weaknesses and love her just for being my sister. In turn, I hope and pray that she loves me in the same way. She has been through hell lately (breast cancer) and is doing fine now. But there is always that cloud looming overhead, and so I took the opportunity of getting a photo of us together. It was a happy day celebrating a belated Father's Day and my "retirement" from teaching at her home. She's an awesome cook and hostess and is very generous to all her family.

Yes, it was a wonderful day. I just ignored my Dad's driving directions and comments about other drivers on the way to North Vancouver and concentrated instead on how beautiful the mountains are today; had a lovely chat with my Mom's best friend since Grade 1, now age 87; watched my Dad open his Father's Day gifts (and ignored his comments about how we shouldn't "bother" on the way home); felt the warmth of the sun and the cool of the shady patio; and ate a wondrous luncheon. I spent the afternoon in the company of those who love me the most even though we don't always get along. Yes, it was a wonderful day.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

WHY WE LOVE CANADA



From Shelley Fralic's column in the Vancouver Sun, Saturday, July 1, 2006, I chose the following as my favourite reasons to love Canada:

1. McIntosh apple. That sweet crunch was brought to you by Ontario's Johnny (Appleseed) McIntosh, in 1796.

2. Paul Anka From Puppy Love to (You're) Having My Baby, the smooth Ottawa-born crooner has done it his way.

3. Bay Street Because Wall Street needs an evil twin.

4. Canadian Bacon Make fun if you will, as long as you serve it crisp.

5. Beer There are just some things we do better.

6. Maple Syrup Without which pancakes would just be a stack of fried flour.

7. Rideau Canal Ice, skates, twinkle lights, hot chocolate. Norman Rockwell lives.

8. Anne of Green Gables A multimillion-dollar industry, but still our pig-tailed P.E.I. scamp.

9. Bushes and Boulders Deserts, glaciers, sea shores, tropical forests, rivers, mountains, lakes, plains. Talk about having it all under one roof.

10. Michael J. Fox Dignity in the face of dbilitation.

11. William Shatner Earth to Captain Kirk: you rock our world.

12. EH. Say it loud. Say it proud.

13. The Rockies Because every country needs a backbone.

14. Steve Nash Here's to the little guy who made it in the basketball bigs.

15. Barenaked Ladies If we had a million dollars, we'd send them a thank-you note just for being sassy.

16. Blue $5, purple $10 No monochromatic greenbacks for us. Our money is funny.

17. Blame Canada Terrorists. Blackouts. Social liberalism. Thanks, South Park. It's fun to be the scapegoat.

18. Beaver Because, as a national symbol, the eagle is just so obvious.

19. Inukshuk Rock's best balancing act, and our ubiquitous answer to Stonehenge.

20. Jim Carrey Must be something in the water, because we breed the funniest comedians. Ever.

So...from Shelley's 139 reasons to love Canada (on our 139th birthday), these are my top 20. Hope you all enjoyed reading them.

If you have any more reasons to love Canada, by all means post them here.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

ONWARD


IT'S OFFICIAL! I'M RETIRED! I love this photo of the cruise ship heading out from Vancouver under the Lion's Gate Bridge. I can envision myself onboard in August with a bunch of great (single) people heading for Alaska. (actually I'll be leaving from Seattle). After that, a trip to California to mix business with pleasure before settling down to writing that long-awaited book. Have an awesome summer everyone. What are your plans? Blog on..

Saturday, June 24, 2006

The best retirement gift ever!

I removed the photo 'cuz who knows who's "out there."

I just had to share this with all my cyber-friends. My daughter invited me to dinner and presented me with a lovely leather-bound journal as a retirement gift. But the BEST gift was what she wrote on the card and it made me cry tears of joy. It reads:

To Mom,

You've spent your life teaching: me, Jaclyn, your students, your dogs even. And now, in retirement, you'll still be teaching. Your book will teach women to overcome adversity in the face of widowhood and how to embrace life and grow after a tragedy.

I am so proud of you! You continue to teach me to this very day.

Je t'aime, maman!

Jamie

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Grade 7 Grad 2006

Here I am with my good friend and colleague Mary Beth at Grad night. I'll put up some more photos next week after the end-of-the-year Staff party. The evening's theme was "Hollywood" and they even had a "walk of fame" complete with red carpet, movie cameras, a giant Oscar, movie posters, etc. Tables were decorated with glittery gold fabric, feather boas and candles. It was a lovely evening and I'll always remember it. The kids seemed so grown up, especially the girls.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Retirement


There's nothing better than to be acknowledged for your work. Teaching is a calling, let's face it, because no one in their right mind would work 60-80 hours per week for the pay! Plus there can be lots of criticism from parents who think their little Johnny or Janie can do no wrong. But those few moments when you see a light bulb go on, a child gives you a hug, a homemade birthday card, or a little craft they made at Brownies or Cubs, or shyly puts a raggedly-wrapped Christmas gift on your desk and runs off - well, that makes it pretty special. And then at the end, your peers give you a great send-off with warm wishes for your new endeavours and a beautiful gift at a fabulous end-of-the-year Staff party. No matter how stressed I ever was, it was all worthwhile. I'll always have great memories of my many years teaching - kids and adults. On Thursday, June 22, 2006 my very first actual "class" (I have mostly been a specialist teacher) will "graduate" from Grade 7. There will be lots of emotion in me, I know, as I watch those kids cross the stage to receive their Bible from the Board Chair. I pray they will continue their life walk graciously and will sometimes remember me with kindness.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Poppies




Does anyone know if these are the kind of poppies that you get opium from? The plant showed up in my garden after having had a truckload of topsoil delivered - I think there must have been a seed or two in the soil, because I never had this type of poppy before. Each year in the past 3 years, there have been more and more flowers. The "green" actually looks like a thistle and is sort of prickly.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Javalinas



This is the book I bought while in Arizona last February. I read it to my Grade 4 class as an example of a take-off on "The Three Little Pigs" and the kids loved it. I highly recommend it as a great story as well as an educational insight into animals living in their own habitat.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My Hero

He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.

She is pregnant.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this photograph.




And people say animals are dumb
Have a Wonderful Day!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

CALLA LILIES - Beauties or Beasts???

The peonies are starting to droop but the lavendar just keep blooming! Notice all the calla lilies. This is part of the front garden.
The calla lilies keep growing like weeds! This is along the driveway.
Here's a big rhodo & MORE Callas by the patio.
More rhodos and callas...back garden.
and the other side of the house.
They do make lovely bouquets, though.
Don't you think?
And here's my fireman hero at the Ladner May Days Celebration :)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Metalxmonkey's birthday

We had a great time on Jaclyn's 26th birthday. She takes after her Mom in that she sure doesn't look her age (i.e. younger). After some time at home with prezzies, food, and cake the girls headed out for a fun night of karaoke. Wish I could have gone to get some shots from there! :)
Silver and Lavendar theme
A card from Robbie
Texting Trio
Robbie loves Paige
I hope she gets her wish.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Springtime Garden

Forgot to put in this photo of my weeping birch.


This is my Mother's Day bouquet that metalxmonkey cut from the garden and arranged for me. Isn't it beautiful?





Saturday, May 13, 2006

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all my good friends out there in Cyberland! Anyone have any memories they'd like to share? Happy/Sad, Good/Bad. Here's mine - when my dear mother was dying from Alzheimer's disease four years ago, my sister spent an evening with her in the hospital. The end would be just 2 days away and Mom was in and out of the "present." At one point, thinking my sister was ME, Mom said, I've always loved you the most, Leslie." My sister didn't tell me this until just last year. I almost cried - for her - because I could not imagine what heartbreak it must have been for her to hear that. I just wish it could have been me there at that moment.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Retirement is now called "LifeShift"

With retirement on my horizon, lately I've noticed much more information on the topic in magazines and newspapers. In the Vancouver Sun dated Saturday, April 22, 2006 there is an article entitled "It's not retirement any more, it's now called "LifeShift."

This article got me thinking about my own retirement. I've been telling everyone I know that I'm not ending my teaching career to sit in a rocking chair and knit bootees, but rather I'm excited about a new beginning for me. Now I'll be able to do all the things I've always wanted to do but couldn't because I had to make a living and raise my daughters.

I think that most single women fear poverty. Without a man in our lives to help out financially, we can be driven to work and save for our old age. We give up a lot of fun traveling, going out to the theatre, dining out at elegant restaurants, buying gorgeous clothes, etc. Our first priorities are our children and our pensions. We worry that we won't have enough money to live comfortably when we have to retire.

Some articles state that you need 70% of your gross income to retire. But by planning carefully, that is not the case. If you are debt-free, it is possible to live on 35 to 40% of your gross income. We are no longer like our fathers. We are healthier, more fit, and our life expectancy is greater. We also desire to stay active as long as our health lasts. Also, we are probably the first generation of women that are retiring. Let's face it, most of our mothers stayed at home and looked after the house and our fathers.

The future will be very interesting for us as more and more women retire and set out on their own to live the last third of their lives to the fullest. Whatever our dreams, may we all reach for the stars!

Friday, March 24, 2006

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda . Try Decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and ever! ything nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

Fine, I answered! . I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy .. the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

TIME FOR SOME MORE JOKES

"How to Know if You're a Loser."





This is a memo to staff. The memo reads: Dear Staff: Due to the projected increased workload in the coming months, the management has decided that it can no longer afford for you to take time out of your busy schedule and go to the restroom. Instead, to increase employee efficiency, the company will shoulder the expense of remodeling your cubicle to accommodate restroom privileges. Thank you for your cooperation.
Management




This is a blonde's answer to a geometry question on a Math exam.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

SWEET DREAMS

Sweet Dreams

Metalxmonkey took this photo last night when Robbie was sound asleep in his Xmas basket. He sure took to this as his new bed and likes it way more than his kennel. We can now trust him to stay in it all night and not make a mess anywhere. Isn't he CUTE???? Like all children...when they're asleep. LOL

Saturday, February 11, 2006

ARIZONA 2006

Here are some "people" shots from my trip to Arizona. First, the gang - clockwise from Dale the token male, me, Mary Rose, Suzanne, Cheryl, Lin. Then we have Suzanne with Lin, me with Lin, me out in the desert in front of Dale's place, and me playing with the cactus. :D Suzanne taught me a lot about cactus - like the jumping one. I walked near one and she almost freaked out! :D




ARIZONA 2006 Part Deux

Okay here we have Suzanne feeding the deer at the Grand Canyon, me playing with a saguaro this time (at night). Suzanne nearly freaked out when I touched the spines - she started screaming "Don't touch them - there's poison in them!" LOL Then here I am thrilled to death to finally see the Grand Canyon (but Man! was it COLD!), then fooling around on the ledge (Vicki - eat your heart out! LOL) and finally Suzanne and I enjoying a wonderful lunch at the 100-year-old lodge at Grand Canyon. (We ended up having to move to another table 'cuz it got too hot for us "hot chicks" by the fireplace.)






Wednesday, January 18, 2006

THE WASHCLOTH


I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me there was a cancellation and the 9:30am appointment was available. I took it. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other such glamorous place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No!!!".

Now wait for it......., this is too funny not to be true!!!)





She yelled, " I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it!"

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Compassionate Teacher


I received this today and it moved me so much because I actually did this little exercise for our graduating Grade 7 students the first year I started teaching at my current school. These students would now be in first year university, and I often wonder if they still have those pieces of paper I made up for them.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded. "Yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued, "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Last year I implemented something for my Grade 4 students that I call "SONSHINERS." Every Monday morning, each child draws a secret "Sonshiner Pal" and is to make a point (secretly) to play with them, pray for them, help them with something, etc. Then on Thursday, they write a note (on special yellow notepaper) to their pal to compliment them on something they noticed throughout the week. Examples: "I really enjoyed your book talk. It made me want to read the book, too." "You were so kind to that kindergarten student who fell off the swing." "You are really good at hockey." "Thank you for helping me with my Math." On Friday, the kids can hardly wait to read their notes before they glue them in a special notebook and respond to the compliment they received that day. At the end of the year, each child takes home a book of special memories from all their schoolmates.

This month, I've also started a new program called "Taking Steps Towards Tolerance and Compassion." Along with drawing a Sonshiner pal for the week, the kids draw a T&C token. This gives them a suggestion for something to do that will help them to understand about tolerance and compassion. Examples: "Give your Mom and Dad a high five every day this week and say 'I love you.'" "Choose someone you don't know very well and find out about 3 special customs and traditions that they follow at home." "Choose someone you know who is a compassionate person and write 3 sentences that show how that person illustrates compassion towards others." When the kids complete their T&C, they receive a paper "shoe" that they decorate with their example of tolerance and compassion. I'm planning on putting these shoes along the halls in the school so the Grade 4 class can set an example of how to show these traits to other classes. The goal is to go all around our floor and down the stairs to fill the bottom level. I hope we can do it!

May Your Day Be Blessed And As Special As You Are

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

VANCOUVER 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,
these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!!

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it!)

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked.


Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A:Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A:Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A:So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A:Let's not touch this one.

Q:Are there any ATM's(cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of
them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A:What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )
A:A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is
that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A:Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the
directions.

Q:Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A:Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh
forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.

Q:Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A:No, WE don't stink.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A:Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male
population? (Italy)
A:Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q:Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A:Only at Thanksgiving.

Q:Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A:No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A:It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of
anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Friday, December 02, 2005

VANCOUVER BLIZZARD!


Vancouver (Reuters)

Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional one-quarter centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto."