Still wondering who I am and why I'm here.

I did a personality test that I found online (and now I've lost the site) and the results state that I am a benevolent visionary. Well, what on earth does that mean?

Let's start with the word "benevolent." According to Wikipedia, a benevolent person characterizes the true goodness of the mind and spirit, the unbiased kindness to do good. It is the expression of "agape love" (greek word for unconditional love).

Okay, so for me it means I'm understanding, giving, and trusting. My caring nature goes beyond a basic concern in that I take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgement. Yes, I believe that is very true of me. I often find myself standing up for someone whom others dislike for any reason. I feel it isn't right to judge anyone unless you have stood in their shoes. That goes for people I know personally and for others whom people verbally judge in my presence. On the other hand, because I can spend a lot of time caring for others, I can forget to take care of myself. This is true and I've recently come to a realisation that I need to look out for my own physical, emotional, and mental health.

Okay, on to the word "visionary." Wikipedia states that people like this see "visions" or "apparitions" either supernaturally or through meditation, lucid dreams, or day dreams. By extension, visionary came to mean also a person with a clear, distinctive and specific (in some details) vision of the future. It could mean imagining what doesn't yet exist or will never exist on Earth but will in another realm.

Well, I am very imaginative and I'm much better at seeing the "big picture" than I am with details. Plus, I do see wonder in abstract things. For example, I can't draw my way out of a paper bag, but I can "see" things in certain pieces of abstract art. I experience vivid dreams to the point that I sometimes feel that I actually "live" in another life when I'm asleep. I have a strong faith and have experienced one visit each from my grandmother, my husband, and my parents after they passed away. As a result of those experiences, I am not afraid of death at all, although I do hope the actual process isn't painful. However, I never force my position on this type of thing on anyone and enjoy hearing about others' belief systems and customs. On the other hand, my way of thinking can sometimes prevent me from being open to new ideas so that's something I need to work on.

Overall, I'm totally feminine, extroverted, and hold great trust in other people. I'm also highly aesthetic, meaning I'm very receptive to what is considered to be pleasurable to the senses (e.g. art, music, fashion). On the other hand, I'm very low in openness which can make me appear to be rather mysterious. That sounds a bit contradictory since I'm an extrovert, too. But when you think about it, it can make sense.

I've come a long way from age 21 (above photo) to now being a grandmother of two. And still I'm not sure sometimes who I am and why I'm here. I don't understand how these tests work, but it's fun to take them and see if they're even close to what you think about yourself. This one was pretty close to the mark and made me think about how I might change things in the days to come. One goal I've made from doing this test is to try to become a bit more spontaneous when it comes to doing things for fun.

What about you? Do you ever ponder your place on this earth? Do you ever wonder why you were ever born? Do you even like your own personality? What would you do differently if you could?