I've been thinking about that phrase from the play "The Mourning Bride" by William Congreve, an English author of the late seventeenth and early eighteenth centuries. You know the one: "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." ("The Mourning Bride", 3.8) When you think of these few words, you automatically think about a woman who has been jilted by the one she loves and wants to viciously strike back. However, have you ever wondered how a man would feel if he were the one jilted?This thinking/wondering came about as a result of a man who visits many sites and leaves disparaging, rude, crude, abusive, and cruel comments on women's blogs. Sometimes this type of behaviour accelerates into actual death threats (it hasn't happened to me) as in the case of Kathy Sierra who, in March 2007, shut down her blog because of sexually graphic death threats. So I started wondering just why do some men hate women to the extent that they'd do this.
I started doing some Googling and discovered, to my surprise, that there's a lot out there on this topic. Some write about this phenomenon being the result of original sin when Eve took and ate the forbidden fruit and then blamed it on Adam. That fruit, by the way, is a symbol of the promise of knowledge, something that Adam couldn't supply. Some actually believe that this story is central to the oppression of women worldwide.Did you know that the English language has 220 words (almost all derogatory) for a sexually promiscuous female and only 20 for a sexually promiscuous male (most of these complimentary). Consider the following: A 'master' exercises authority whereas a 'mistress' is the so-called kept woman. The term 'sir' retains respect while 'madam' refers to someone who keeps a brothel. A 'lord of all he surveys' is quite different from a 'lady of the streets', and the meaning of 'he's a professional' is generally understood differently from 'she's a professional'. (from "Why Men Hate Women" by Celia Kitzinger, new internationalist issue 212 - October 1990).
Susan Forward, PhD, a leading psychotherapist states: "Once we begin to examine the forces that drive the woman hater, we find that much of his abusive behavior is a cover-up for his tremendous anxiety about women. He is caught in the conflict between his need for the woman’s love and his deep-seated fear of her. This man needs, as we all do, to feel safe. As adults we fulfill these yearnings through physical intimacy, emotional sharing and parenting. But the woman hater finds these yearnings terribly frightening. His normal needs to be close to a woman are mixed with fears that she can annihilate him emotionally. He harbors a hidden belief that if he loves a woman, she will then have the power to hurt him, to engulf him and to abandon him. Once he has invested her with these awesome and mythical powers, she becomes a fearful figure for him."
She goes on to explain that the woman-hater's conflicting emotions of yearning and fear result in behaviours of hostility, aggression, contempt and cruelty. Early childhood plays a role in contributing to this mysoginistic behaviour. In an ideal situation, mothers nurture and is a boy’s primary source of comfort, while fathers help pull the boy away from mother so that he does not become overly dependent on her. If you look closely at the childhood of a woman-hater, the father was probably either too frightened or passive to pull the boy from the mother, and consequently, the boy had no option but to make his mother the center of his universe.
"Without realizing it, in adult life he transfers this dependency, as well as conflicts and fears that go with it, onto the woman in his life. The woman hater saw his mother as having the power to frustrate him, to withhold love from him, to smother him, to make him feel weak, or to make insatiable demands on him"—and as an adult he views women as having these same powers.
I feel some sympathy towards this type of man because no matter what, something terrible happened to him sometime in his life that skewed his image of women. At the same time, I can't and won't tolerate written abuse from anyone like that on my blog. When it happens, I do not bother to argue back - it's a losing battle anyway - and I don't want it to escalate like it did on poor Kathy Sierra's site. I simply ignore the comment and delete it. I hope you will do the same thing out of respect not only for your readers, but also for yourself.
41 comments:
I am not sure if I would say that they actually hate women...it's more Freudian to me than that...yes there are some men who have the mother son issues...but if we accept that as the ultimate cause, then we continue to blame the woman. I don't accept that..I think it is both nature and nurture....if it was truly only nurture then the man has an option make a concious decision to change ...but if nature is factored in to the equation then there are some biological reasons for the behaviours and then intervention is necessary. Unfortunately, even when intervention takes place you are not garaunteed that the person will change.
Regardless of whether it is nature or nurture, I won't accept someone speaking badly or making derogatory about me or someone I care about, but at the same time, I won't give them them the satisfaction of them knowing that what they have said might have hurt me..because that would give them power...and they certainly are not worthy of that...
Great post Leslie...and very thought provoking...I look forward to reading what others have to say on this topic....
I agree with what you say about the nature vs nurture. It's such a complex issue. If the man were to be aware of his negative feelings and realise that it's not particularly a normal response, then he would/should do something to help himself. But, like you say, no guarantees. Thx for your intelligent comments.
big topic. the battle of the sexes has been going on a long time now and there are still some lone soldiers in the jungle...I am lucky I have not had any dodgy comments (I cant find out where to remove them on blogger!)
Hi Leslie:
I agree with 'smalltown'on this issue.
My former husband, now deceased, was the only son of a vile and dominating mother. This resulted, I believe, in him venting his anger and frustrations of life, upon me, often resulting in physical violence, particularly when he had been drinking alcohol.
Reluctantly, when I was 35 years old and after a troubled marriage of 12 years, I plucked up the courage to divorce him.
This was a very difficult decision, at that time, as I had three young daughters.
Happily, almost one year later, I met my present husband, who has been a wonderful husband to me and a wonderful step-dad to the three girls.
We had a 'longish' courtship, simply because of the 'Girls' and eventually married.
We have recently celebrated 20 years of marriage. The 'Girls' love and respect him and he is now the proud Grandpa of our three darling grandchildren.
The issue of 'men hating women', in some cases, I believe , is true.
Ironically, my ex. went on to marry awoman 13 years older than him and she too, was a very dominating woman and bore a striking simmilarity to his mother.
His Mother is still alive and is quite old, she hasn`t a friend in the world and our 3 daughters will not have anything to do with her.
She has missed so much with regard to her grandaughters and great grandchildren. She was estranged from her son when he died last year.
So many casualities of a scornful woman and her violent son. Sad but true !
I don`t condone my ex`s behaviour but, I do believe his mother`s behaviour, in turn, affected his mental state.
He once told one of my daughters, that, to quote;
" A day doesn`t pass when, I don`t regret, the way in which I treated your Mother".
If only he`d had the courage to say that to me! sadly this didn`t happen.
Despite this sad story, he died a peaceful death and the three girls spent 2 days and nights with him during his 'passing'. I was so proud of them.
I have a firm philosophy.
'In life, there has to be a reason for everything.
In Death, there is no reasoning. We are, but, in the hands of our Saviour'.
Di.xx
P.S. I do hope you and your family are all well and the new 'Baba' is thriving.
sorry i`ve not been in touch for a while, I`ve had another 'health set-back and you can read all the lurid details on my latest 'post' ( if you so wish! D.
The best thing we can do in these situations is keep an open mind and an open heart. This type of hate stems from mistreatment in childhood and has nothing to do with women as a whole. Take the time to understand these individuals. You may be the first person who will actually take the time to do it.
www.secretlyhateyou.com
Leslie, this one sentence hits the nail on the head, "Early childhood plays a role in contributing to this mysoginistic behaviour." And let's put the name on the table here. I won't be afraid to do it. It is BBC and he is rude and abusive to the women on the blogs. I have had to delete his comments, as have you.
I believe that when people reach adulthood, they are fully capable of understanding that certain behaviors are not acceptable. BBC talks about hating his mother. Well, too bad. Get over it!
Whatever happened in these folks' childhood to make them that way is no excuse to continue to behave in such a despicable manner. Their intellect should know better, even if their feelings don't. So I cannot, under any circumstances, make excuses for such behavior, even if on some level I can understand it.
Kelley says "take the time to understand these individuals." Fine okay. That doesn't mean I am going to hold their hand and say, "Oh, poor you, poor you."
The world is full of the poor, innocent victims of these despicable creatures. The victims suffer in silence while the perpetrators get all the sympathy.
Hogwash!
BBC is a 64 year-old man, and he should know better than to slime his way around the internet, leaving harassing filth on women's blogs, simply because he hates his mother.
It's cyber-stalking, and it's threatening, and it needs to stop.
Thank you for posting about this, Leslie!
Interesting post Leslie. Especially since Welshcakes and I have been defending feminism recently on a blog where Feminists are considered men haters. They conveniently forget that not all men love women.
By the way I think connection to original sin is a lot of hogwash but then I did not read what you did. Although Eve was tempted by the serpent to eat, Adam also ate the forbidden fruit.
I forgot to say that I'll bet that commenter is a pussycat in RL and only does it because he is virtually anon.
The connection to original sin is a theory, not what I believe, but I do believe in the connection to childhood and the relationship between parents and child. It seems the only woman that this particular man has a relationship with (friendly) is an old lady who is old enough to be his mother. Thus, he found the mother he always wanted/needed and just "buys" women for his physical gratification. You either play the cards you're dealt or move on to another game. For myself, I chose to forget what I didn't like and move on to forge a better life for myself and my children. And I still like men!
Hmm, very scary. I think one just has to remember that most people are nice. Trite but generally true.
You are brave to have posted this, Leslie and I agree with every word you have said. It has really helped me.
My two bits. Many societies, even today, as a whole elevates the male gender. In some cases, they are raised to believe that females are there to serve them. In other cases, they are led to feel the weight of being the leader or the provider for women.
In the first case, this breeds directly a superiority complex and they treat women as property or servants. In the second case, as many of the others have said, are men who fear failing or maybe blame failure on those they think demand them to perform and yet may even compete or prove to be better than them.
Mothers are generally nurturing but it is Father's who generally give a child his/her sense of self-worth and confidence. This combination is becoming rare, hence the claim that mothers are emasculating their sons nowadays may be due to the breakdown of that combination.
Heavy and complex topic but definitely worth discussing and hearing other opinions.
Very interesting post. Thanks for doing all that research. Most people don't realize it but pretty much every negative human behavior is fear based. Once people realize this, they can address their fears and get the frick over it! And like Josie said, people know what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Someone who chooses to be a boor should be shunned and not addressed so I like your advice.
the abuse is so prevalent in today's society, and more and more women are coming out of abusive relationships. Adam blamed Eve in the garden, and Eve blamed the serpent. the blame-game is still going on today, when people need to step up to the plate and take their own blame for their own bad behavior. i agree that this is a great post and topic Leslie, and one that continually needs to be dealt with.
You can offer so much sympathy to men like this. You might be interested in my post yesterday about VS Naipaul and how he devastated the lives of the two women who loved him.
Hi Leslie, hope you don't mind my popping by but I wanted to after the recommendation from someone I have great respect for - Trubes. Here's my comment on the issue:
Your comment on Adam and Eve is pertinent, I think, in that this is a Christian country and it’s laws and customs are founded on the Christian religion - a religion tailored mostly by a paternalist Roman culture. Hence the deep rooted attitude of men towards women and their place in society is a cultural thing.
The point I keep trying to make is that a happy marriage must be the most wonderful of states and the best environment to bring up children. But if it isn't, if a spouse is a bully and makes their families life unbearable then yes, it's your choice to muddle through. But some things should not have to be endured and that is abuse of the children or abuse of the spouse. By abuse I mean real physical and emotional damage. In such cases there should be no social censure in a loving parent caring for their children by removing them from that situation, or indeed removing themselves. In a welfare state I believe such situations should be given financial aid just as immigrants who are fleeing physical threat are given support. There were many 'single' parent families after the great wars and they did not create the moral and social chaos we see in Britain today. Rather it is the moral and social chaos today that causes many single parent families including teenage pregnancies, not the other way round. By targeting single parent families they are also targeting victims of abuse and this is wrong.
The reactions I've seen to the writings of Peter Hitchens and Boris Johnson when they touch on this subject have ranged from misogynistic arrogance and general resentment towards women to real gender hatred of women, real scary hatred. Sadly it's the moderators that filter out this bile and they don't see it. William Rees-Mogg of the MoS wrote: 'Any journalist who writes about family issues receives letters from fathers and grandfathers who have been excluded from contact with their children or grandchildren. One does not receive letters putting the case for the other side." - well, they wouldn't would they? This is the most intimate subject.
That is why I think blogs like yours and Ellees do a fantastic job in reminding people that there IS a case for the other side. Look at Peter Hitchens’ latest post on his blog and you will see comments from men stating that domestic abuse either doesn’t exist or is equal between men and women. If you have ever been slid up the wall by a mans strong hand around your throat you will know it isn’t equal.
I agree the man in question is rude & impertinant on blogs. I have tried to just ignore him.
I do think a lot of hatred is based on fear. It seems his mother was not a good mother to him, & that is sad, but as Josie says, we are not responsible for that.
My husband had a very cruel mother. She loved her children, but treated them brutally when she was angry with them. My husband has never hit his children, & is a very gentle, tolerant man. It doesn't always follow that a man will be cruel because his mother was.
philipa Thanks for coming over and telling me about Peter Hitchen's blog. I just spent hours reading it and it's given me lots of idea for future topics, one of which for me, is as relevant here in Canada as it is in the UK. That is the education system. Watch for a post on that soon. Thanks again.
meggie Thanks for your very valuable input. No, not all men are cruel boors even if their mothers were cruel towards them in childhood. And that's just the point. Every man knows what is right and wrong and can change his attitude, if he wants to. My own father was not abused, per se, but was allowed to rule the roost and do whatever he wanted. He, in turn, became extremely strict upon becoming a father himself. He knew what was right and what was wrong and was determined to set a good example for his children.
To remove the hurtful comments, you go to the little trashcan icon and delete them.
That person you spoke of in the beginning of this post, Leslie, he's not still out there making comments, is he? He hasn't been to my site for a couple of months.
Very interesting topic. Thanks for the informative read this evening!
I suffer from aspergers syndrome,
and because i am different i have always been rejected by women, my life has been very lonley and full of deppression. I have a very strong hatered of women, due to rejection, and also because i am sick of constant feminist attacks on men. I have teddy bears for friends and i would never want to be without them but i also think that if women were not so cruel i would not need my toys so much.
Please note. I do not consider myself to be an accepted member of the human race, i live in England which i think is a horrible little country full of nasty people. I consider women to be my enemies and if i could find a way of making women suffer the same cruelty inflicted by them on me i would be happy.
I really hate women myself, so I stay away from them... I am not gay, though that often times is a person's first impression of me... I can only socialize with other males, and women I consider to be non-threatening to me... If a woman is in any way attractive to me, I will do all I can to avoid contact--- I am not physically aggressive, I just choose to vent my anger by avoiding contact- and who is to blame for this reaction? My mother abandoned me when I was seven, but she kept my sister; I grew up in various foster homes and reformatories as a result; she grew up with everything handed to her; I have been homeless ; she has never wanted for anything at all; I have only dated women much older than me, on average 15 years difference, though the longest relationship was with a woman 22 years my senior. For four whole months. Now I have not been with anyone in over a year. My mother screwed up my head, and that is a fact. I do not choose to express my anger via childless commentary, nor through verbal or physcial abuse, as that would lower myself. What got me about the situation is this- my mother abandoned me, kept my sister (who is now a drug addicted sex fiend); my grandmother, her mother, had abandoned both her and my uncle, and my grandfather kept the boy and gave her up. Revenge, pure and simple. I am American, but am of pure Scottish descent, it seems that the Scots make the worst mothers, them and the English.
i understand the concept of hating women, i dont think it has anything to do with a mother not careing for her child all though this may play a part. i think it goes back to sexual selection and the people women chose to spread genetics with. i find it fascinating that women always say they want a good guy but then go for the bad boy(criminal). i do think it is part of womens nature to be manipulative and i usualy just except nature for what it is who says its sappose to be good. but as human beings i think we have the option to deny bad characteristics from nature. now there are a lot of good women that are not attractive i dont understand anybody that dislikes them, i know a lot of people who hate women its mostly people that love women but are judged by women and not found good enough to fertalize there egg and thus not worth talking to or dealing with.
well...it can be many reasons...I think that in the human speciesm women--not men--are the ultimate "natural selectors. Let's face it, if women were the sexually desperate ones, then there would be droves of male prostitutes (who service women)...but it is the other way around...women have "the rare jewels", not the guys. therefore, it is the woman who has the ultimate security, and guaranteed sex and offspring, men know that they can be so easily left in the dust and their resentment is the source of their hate...
I wouldn't say that I hate women but I can say that I dislike women that dislike men. Maybe there is a vicious cycle at play. I believe that women who dislike men are projecting feelings from childhood just like the men might. There is an added societal factor I think in that society is feminized. Male traits that were useful in the past like strength and aggresion which are very useful for a growing sort of tribal world are now viewed as bad. I remember in school being taught that women (well, girls at the time) were all nice and sweet and us boys should treat them with some sort of awe as though they are better than us. I am self aware enough to be aware of my flaws, though (most of em..hehe). I have trouble separating unfairness in society with unfairness in my life. Do I hold a mild contempt for women because of my parents and I rationalize it to society? Or did society have a role in helping my parents be bad role models...Either way I believe it is wrong for either sex to view the others inherent characteristics as somehow flawed or inferior. It's ridiculous. Masculenity and femininity can both be virtuous or evil depending on the carrier. Oh...and pop culture is a ridiculous in how it sets up such high standards of love that never dies, lasts forever...whatever...It took a long time for me to have a rational view of how relationships are, partly from believing entertainers silly views. That was the cause of some bitterness too.
Stong mother weak father, sounds good to me. Or how about a father who adores his wife to the point where he gives up his own desires in order to please his wife and simply appears as "whipped" by mom to the children?
The conversation and posts are a little stilted due to the proponderance of female respondants. You need to get more male oppinions to make this Pedalogue valid. Nice speculation though.
Amen to not hating the opposite sex! Oddly, I know a male boy who lives in "fear" of his mother. He has all his life. This dillusionment has so warped and dominated his psyche that he felt compelled to move back in (as he has most of his life), with Mommy and only calls her by her first name.. never "Mom" or close. Constantly wishes her ill will through his curt words and deeds. She thinks by being submissive and a loving mother, he will someday care and be take care of her. Not ever happening! It's very hard to watch. How can someone be so blind? His mission,.. to make her and any other female in his life suffer due to his own fears. This person is a well degreed and educated male. Just because some of us (male or female) were not breastfead as infants, does that mean the lack of lacatation means all should suffer from the lack thereof? Many lives have been destroyed due the horrible acts of "sick minded" ones who blamed their hated of people on their mothers or weak fathers -- combo thereof and/or any person who gets in their way of the final mission. The life mission is to make someone pay for their being born. They have a false sense of entitilement because they really don't like living.. and someone is going to pay someway for their "birthday." Both males and females can be violent. However, history indicates the majority of violent killings are males with the predominant factor being anger or hatred of "a" feminine factor. Fact of life --- some of us can't or should not breed if only to prevent situations of transferred dependency or inadequacy opon others. Perhaps blaming others is a sign of a truly inwardly weak and feeble hearted being. A person who has really not taken a true look in the mirror and think others should pay for their bad reflection in the mirror of life ...
I feel that we all have inner demons that make us resent one another, not particularly gender-biased. Humans are naturally competitive, survival of the fittest, etc. Women hate women, men hate men, women hate men, men hate women, and it is a vicious cycle. We just don't have enough to do with our lives, since we are not hunting, foraging and surviving. Where does the cycle end?
I think men, especially in today's day and age, hate women because women make men feel utterly useless. Women make as much money if not more than men, so the traditional man is no longer needed to be the bread winner. Also, women always know that the child they bear is their child. Men have no such assurances, and unfortunately in today's society, it's perfectly acceptable for women to shamelessly brag of her promiscuity as being "liberated". So, a woman, who is the only person on a date that knows whether or not if she's having sex that night, can sleep with whomever she wants and know for sure the child is hers. She can be the CEO of a corporation and make as much if not more than a man. A man, trying to find a worthy wife, gets frustrated because not too many women out there can count the number of their sexual partners on one hand, and men know of the promiscuous potential women inherently have. This subconsciously affects the man because, one, he needs reassurances that a woman he is married to is truly having his child, and two, despite the physical nature of men and women, the man is no longer needed to provide for the family. What do women need men for if not simply to copulate with for their own personal pleasure? (Remember, women don't even need men to get pregnant anymore. That can be done artificially.) Essentially, thanks to modern social norms, women are the most powerful humans on the face of the earth.
Your article contains some truths, but to actually know why so many men dislike women, you have to ask a man. I am a man, so i'll tell you.
Firstly, many men hate women for the exact same reasons that women hate men: they are rejected in love by them, and, all too often, for others they believe to be 'inferior'. I'm sure you have all witnessed a man reject an intelligent, kind and charming woman for a cruel, demanding, airhead just because she's better looking. Well, guess what, every guy has witnessed, repeatedly, women reject kind good men in favour of arrogant, self-centered, cheating 'bad boys', and then, when it all goes wrong, complain about it and say there are no good men - then pick another jerk, while rejecting the good guys, and resume the cycle. Men are often open and honest about their decisions to pursue looks above all else; however women appear to be in constant denial over their poor decisions and this is possibly the greatest source of hatred for men toward women.
Secondly - and this may offend women, but it is truth - most men find women rather boring and unfunny. They treasure their male friendships and the fun they have together, and feel that women threaten the quality the company, by either becoming easily offended by male banter, by whining and trying to control their bf, or by boring everyone with unfunny, uninteresting anecdotes. This is another reason (dealing with the truth and not what women wish was the truth) why men dislike women.
Women are just gay men with boobs and a vagina; they are both masters at creating "fabulous" illusions (fake face, fake hair and fake emotions that go up and down and up again!).If all women had male parts and female brains, we men would hate them too and never befriend them, just like we don't befriend feminine gays. They are boring, embarassing and disappointing each and every time!
Has nothing to do with moms and small penisses or fear for being cheated on.
We men, fool ourselves and think we have befriended, fallen in love with or hired the perfect job-candidate. But, when their looks disappear, it all turns out to be false!
if only more women had real and stable emotions, thousands of them would be become CEO's and millions would stay married for life.
I'am a recovering women hater. I grew up with a single mother but she was not domineering. My dad lived in a different province and my brothers and I didn't get to many phone calls from him and the only time we'd see him was in the summer we'd go up to visit. I'd have to say it started in high school. I was very depressed and began drinking and I was very lonely. I ended up having numerous brief relationships and one serious. That continued on after high school and I started becoming very resentful because I could not attract the type woman I wanted. With that I started questioning what was going on, was it because I was a skinny and such. I started looking around at couples in public and I seen a lot of women with either taller and bigger built guy's so I came to the notion I was being rejected for being skinny. Also in clothing stores and shoe stores, 3/4's or the store is women's clothing and there is a small section for kids and a small section for men. So I resented women for that. I can't list everything but it goes on with stuff like that. Eventually I thought women were handed a better life altogether. I sobered up three years ago but the pain of being single and lonely continued on and the longer it stuck around, the more angry I got. My primary fear was being alone all my life but I realized that I put to much dependence on women for my happiness and those shoes they can't possible fill. So I'm trying to do other healthy things then looking for mrs. right all the time. Things are getting better.
Oh and one more thing. These guy's that make the negative comments. Its not that they are wanting to put women down. Its a cry for help, they are prisoner's in their own body. The more the frustration and anger grows it becomes a revolving door and in my own experience its not fun at all. I looked for answers on blogs and dating forums and it usually got deleted for being self pity and some times I'd get put down myself. All I was looking for was help. I was tired of being alone didn't how to deal with these emotions anymore. The stereotype that men need to deal with things on their own needs to go and there needs to places on the net or in public where men can go and get help from people who specialize in these areas. I've been to a therapist and psychiatrist and niether helped.
Wait a second. All men who hate women do so out of subconscious anxiety? What about men that have been treated incredibly badly by women? Men who were seduced by a woman who then divorced him, took most of what he owned, and made false accusations that landed him in jail?
Catch-all phrases like "All men who hate women do so out of subconscious anxiety" fall apart the instant they are exposed to critical analysis. There are plenty of reasons why a man might hate women in general; some of them are even understandable, just like there are reasons why certain women might hate all men.
I for one have gone out of my way to treat women very kindly, but two out of the last three women in my life have cheated on me (after being given several chances each), thus causing my fear of women. I have trusted repeatedly, only to be mocked, humiliated, and hated by my friends for what they did to me! It isn't always a black and white issue. I'm college educated, never hit a woman, I have a nice job as a dept head (at 23!), and I'm generally good with women, yet both times every one I know not only disbelieves that I caught both of them, they openly say terrible things about me that I don't deserve. I was going to marry the last one, but she was out of control and I couldn't take it anymore. And its not where I "pick them up." I don't do one night stands; 1 was a neighbor in college, 1 lived down the street and had straight A's, and the other was a manager at a reputable company by 18. How is it that I'm supposed to not be afraid of women after such poor treatment, during and after? Its beginning to harden me to falling in love because its hurting worse each time (and I don't fall in love with every girl I date; in fact only one have I ever told and seriously been involved with). To me, it seems as though the women in my life all treat their other poorly once they are in a relationship with them. What is the key to finding a woman that is so amazing that I'm better with them than without (other than trial and error)?
Wow!What a topic!I guess that I also wish that more guys would respond, but there is this silent majority of men who have come to understand that there will be NO
women in their lives.
No one at fault, no axes to grind, just reality, so that you
just understand it, accept it and live it. You do not blame anyone nor say that women are worthless,
you just stay away and keep your
mouth shut. You NEVER look very
good in arguing why you are alone - for life - and why you understand
that you are just better off that way. This personality is great for
selfless charity work and getting
real pleasure from helping others who REALLY do need you and appreciate you, with no games.
Dave, you're a dick. There's someone for everyone. "Both love and fortune favor the bold."
I only hate women cause I need them to have babies lol! But I dont hate them, thats a waste of my life. But I do admire and respect them, for continuously holding the feelings of innocence even when guilty. No need to give an example every male has their own. But my penis constantly gets erect when one is near, so I respect the nature of male and female. If I placed blame somewhere, Id blame Adam for not askin the broad where the fruit came from. But naturally, just like today, the male just follows the female's lead, just to try and obtain some peace and some pussy, real talk, I could care less who hates. Cause forgive me for being "Black", but my queens told me as a kid, the crap a female will pull on me. Hence me not havin a kid til 28, never hit a female or got a disease, and Im financially sound. Not married but, females taught me not to trust females and Im better for it. One day my queen will come, but I aint in no rush, got to better myself first. If nothing else, male and female, should both be honest with self, and realize we are who we attract! And not having a daddy or an abusive mommy aint an excuse to be a dumbass! And I was born to both, so I actually hated God more than I ever hated a female! And God keeps lettin me live and love, and I got a son, FROM A FEMALE mind you, on my birthday! God bless the human being!
interesting topic
personaly im a son of posesive mother and a absent father (he leave us when i was 7, and to date have never cared about us,,, or anyone besided him and his current woman)
mother was taxing, possesive and always wanted to overprotect us,
i always reveled and went my way
but i had to fight constantly to not being totally nulified by my mother.. and privacy was almost inexistent
she always had ways to know everything, she called all my social contacts if i didint told her where i was going, etc.
i had a hard time with women
besides being flirty and atracctive, and got many girls
advancing towards, i had trouble responding, when i did
i felt just like in the text, completely open, and the girls
i related largely abusse that fact.
as adult i still have a very agressive relationship with my mother.
im 28, i still live with her (unable to leave home for money problems)
shes totaly invasive,unrespectfull of me and my life
and very jelous of my girlfriends
totally abusive about my "guest status" actively threating with trowing me out, and trying to pick fights with my and my girlfriend
that resuls in agressive reactions by my part , i sometimes just cant get all the shit and violece get beyond just words ( like a soft tackle, or trowing things to the floor)
i have noticed that i had related to 2 extremely diferent kind of women in my life
the apatic girl, who makes you feel like you are nothing for her (wich usually is not the case, on the contrary, you become one of the most important persons but she always wants to make you feel a insignificant part of her life)
and the obsessive girl, who have loots of things of my mother, overcares, obssesss, invades your spaces, etc
the first kind made me feel like shit and i eventually (and with dificult and effort)ended those relationships completely (with the girls suddenly showing you how important you where.. but in bad way)
with the seconds, i have been able to construct happy and fulfilling relationships, but invasive, taxing, and too intense
that end out showing the same problems i have with my mother
and the same reactions form my part (defence of my space, independece, agresive arguments)
this relationships kind of "eat your life" and you want to "scape" at some point
and about some coments abobe
of course yu can blame the mother!
shes the adult that transfer and generates her issues intro the son
son is just receptive for a long while
women are certainly much more nastier nowadays than they ever were before, unlike many women years ago that were very much more educated. just trying to start a normal conversation with the one that i would very much like to meet is very difficult, especially with the attitude problem that many of them have today. then again, many women these days are gay.
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