Gas Pains

Have you ever had the urge to pass gas at the worst possible moment — during an important meeting, on a crowded elevator or on a date? Although passing gas usually isn't serious, it can be seriously embarrassing!

Have you ever had those sharp, jabbing pains or cramps that happen after eating a large bowl of chili topped off with raw onions and cheddar cheese? You know, the kind that actually doubles you over and you think you're going to have to go to the local ER for some relief. The kind that makes you take to your bed with a hot water bottle and some air freshener and a warning on the door: "Caution: lighting a match in here will cause an explosion." (drag your cursor over the blank spot to reveal the warning.)

Well, I'm feeling like that right now. I just returned from driving my daughter home and I passed my gas station where I always fill up. The sign said $1.42.6/liter! I thought I was going to throw up! Just when my back is so bad I find it difficult to walk to the village and I'm probably going to have to start driving the short distance to get groceries, etc., the price of gas goes through the roof.

My stomache is in knots and my brain is shooting jabbing pains through my forehead from the shock. Oh I know, I know, they warned us. But they said the price would probably hit $1.40 by the summer and it's already passed that mark and summer isn't even here yet!

I think I'm going to have to resort to buying cases of beans for my meals. Oh no! That would give me gas pains! NUTS!

In case you can't read the above, it says:

(Eb) This gas situation has become a real pain.

(Flo) I'll say! I haven't been this bloated since I ate the rancid macadamia nuts!

(Eb) Can't you forget about yourself for once? This is about gasoline prices! The whole economy is in danger!

(Flo)I fail to see how the price of gasoline in any way affects our nut-based economy.

(Eb) So our squirrel wealth literally grows on trees?
(Flo)Precisely! Gas is merely a byproduct of economic activity.